Charlotte The Carrot
Member
- Feb 14, 2019
- 20
I have not actually attempted a suicide since before July. Trying to avoid impulse, irrationality and kept trying to get help and change my life until recently.
I'm ready to say I've had enough. I'm ready to go.
Trying to plan around my parents and thier erratic timetable alongside syncing up with having motivation is all but impossible so I'm just going to allow an impulse to push me.
The guilt is a factor as to why I tried for so long. I do admit I may have not been ready or that I may have been seeking help with my attempts of yester year however the same excuses I set up for my delays seem to no longer work.
To be honest, I want to be told it's okay. That it's okay to go, dispite the guilt. I'm scared. I know that's natural and that everyone faces that fear by that from suicide or normal death, there is no getting around it but I want to face this head on. I want to wake up one day soon, be thst tomorrow, next week or next month I don't care and feel comfortable with my decision and go to sleep aware of the agony I'm going to cause but able to carry on dispite it, not be rid of that guilt. I know I can't rid myself of the guilt now.
I lived dispite the constant abuse, horrible memories replaying and repeating for those who didn't help, those who very well cause this. I did it to avoid ruining weddings, birthdays and Christmas and for what? I tried running so hard. I tried so hard, why can't I give myself the peace I need?
Also, can I have some tips and tricks for handling the bad taste? I'm going to use a straw as I drink quickly with one.
I'm ready to say I've had enough. I'm ready to go.
Trying to plan around my parents and thier erratic timetable alongside syncing up with having motivation is all but impossible so I'm just going to allow an impulse to push me.
The guilt is a factor as to why I tried for so long. I do admit I may have not been ready or that I may have been seeking help with my attempts of yester year however the same excuses I set up for my delays seem to no longer work.
To be honest, I want to be told it's okay. That it's okay to go, dispite the guilt. I'm scared. I know that's natural and that everyone faces that fear by that from suicide or normal death, there is no getting around it but I want to face this head on. I want to wake up one day soon, be thst tomorrow, next week or next month I don't care and feel comfortable with my decision and go to sleep aware of the agony I'm going to cause but able to carry on dispite it, not be rid of that guilt. I know I can't rid myself of the guilt now.
I lived dispite the constant abuse, horrible memories replaying and repeating for those who didn't help, those who very well cause this. I did it to avoid ruining weddings, birthdays and Christmas and for what? I tried running so hard. I tried so hard, why can't I give myself the peace I need?
Also, can I have some tips and tricks for handling the bad taste? I'm going to use a straw as I drink quickly with one.