coppervomit
Member
- Jan 6, 2020
- 14
I am 19 and have been obese for my entire life.
There has not been a moment since I was a small child that I was not fat. I developed an eating addiction when I was very young and since then I have had a number of eating disorders, but the one that has always stuck with me has been binge eating disorder. I rely on food for comfort and happiness. Food isn't just fuel to me; it's my heroin.
Being obese as a child through school is an extremely torturous experience. I don't want to go too far into detail on the events of how I was treated in school, but it definitely helped me down the path toward suicide.
I am an extremely insecure person, not just from my appearance but also my personality. Through disordered eating I managed to get down to slightly overweight in high school and at that point in my life I tried very hard to be attractive and liked. It really brought to the forefront of my mind that I am not only undesirable physically, I also have an unlikeable personality.
I was hospitalized twice during high school for arranging my suicide. I have wanted to kill myself since I was around 10 or 11 when I was being abused by my stepfamily, but it has really culminated in the last year.
The reason why I was spurred to write this post is because I looked at myself in the mirror as opposed to avoiding it as I usually do. It is excruciating to know that you will never be liked or even accepted by those around you. I know I will only find peace when they put my bloated cadaver in a bodybag.
There has not been a moment since I was a small child that I was not fat. I developed an eating addiction when I was very young and since then I have had a number of eating disorders, but the one that has always stuck with me has been binge eating disorder. I rely on food for comfort and happiness. Food isn't just fuel to me; it's my heroin.
Being obese as a child through school is an extremely torturous experience. I don't want to go too far into detail on the events of how I was treated in school, but it definitely helped me down the path toward suicide.
I am an extremely insecure person, not just from my appearance but also my personality. Through disordered eating I managed to get down to slightly overweight in high school and at that point in my life I tried very hard to be attractive and liked. It really brought to the forefront of my mind that I am not only undesirable physically, I also have an unlikeable personality.
I was hospitalized twice during high school for arranging my suicide. I have wanted to kill myself since I was around 10 or 11 when I was being abused by my stepfamily, but it has really culminated in the last year.
The reason why I was spurred to write this post is because I looked at myself in the mirror as opposed to avoiding it as I usually do. It is excruciating to know that you will never be liked or even accepted by those around you. I know I will only find peace when they put my bloated cadaver in a bodybag.