Venting Suicidal Thoughts

[serah]

I'm sick and tired of feeling this way, I made a similar post like this before but I really wonder if anyone else on this site deals with the same issue. I suffer from really bad "suicidal episodes", that's the best way I can attempt to describe it. Out of nowhere my suicidal thoughts will worsen. I think about suicide every day and have managed it for years, but during these "episodes" they become the only thing in my mind. My desire to ctb is amplified and I stop thinking rationally. Life becomes utterly meaningless and I'm so fucking terrified of the decisions I might make when going through these episodes. I'm not sure if this is just my depression or a more extreme version of suicidal ideation. I remember speaking to someone who mentioned having similiar issues but they said it was because of their BPD. Does anyone struggle with this? Any idea on how to make the thoughts disappear?

 

[AnxietyAttack44]

Im not sure whats causing it for you, but i guess trauma caused depression did it for me.

Only thing that keeps me from crying and screaming is just death. I wake up thinking of suicide, all day long i plan suicide, whatever i do i think of it, wherever i go i search for good suicide spots,building heights.

At night i go to sleep praying to die, and dreams are about me killing myself. Sometimes i even attempt it,or fear ill actualy do it, but at the wrong time.

I dont mind it tho. I think ill just go die one day, when i feel everything is ready.

 

[TakeYourHappyPills]

I'm sick and tired of feeling this way, I made a similar post like this before but I really wonder if anyone else on this site deals with the same issue. I suffer from really bad "suicidal episodes", that's the best way I can attempt to describe it. Out of nowhere my suicidal thoughts will worsen. I think about suicide every day and have managed it for years, but during these "episodes" they become the only thing in my mind. My desire to ctb is amplified and I stop thinking rationally. Life becomes utterly meaningless and I'm so fucking terrified of the decisions I might make when going through these episodes. I'm not sure if this is just my depression or a more extreme version of suicidal ideation. I remember speaking to someone who mentioned having similiar issues but they said it was because of their BPD. Does anyone struggle with this? Any idea on how to make the thoughts disappear?

I can't give you much advice on how to get rid of these thoughts since I go through the exact same thing. Recently I've stopped reaching out and trying to get help. whenever I try I usually get hospitalized. Hopefully one day the thoughts go away or I actually go through with it. Anyways hope things work out for you (:

 

[sourcreamonion]

I can only think it might be OCD from what you've written, as it seems these episodes would be spurred out of nowhere, like intrusive thoughts. There is plenty of ways to disregard these thoughts, maybe not disappear, but you can distract yourself at the heat of the moment (exercising, a relaxation technique. I know some people who pinch themselves hard enough that the pain overcomes the thoughts, however, would not recommend it).

 

[serah]

Im not sure whats causing it for you, but i guess trauma caused depression did it for me.

Only thing that keeps me from crying and screaming is just death. I wake up thinking of suicide, all day long i plan suicide, whatever i do i think of it, wherever i go i search for good suicide spots,building heights.

At night i go to sleep praying to die, and dreams are about me killing myself. Sometimes i even attempt it,or fear ill actualy do it, but at the wrong time.

I dont mind it tho. I think ill just go die one day, when i feel everything is ready.

I'm sorry you went through that. And I can agree with a lot of what you wrote, I also find myself doing the same things haha.

I can't give you much advice on how to get rid of these thoughts since I go through the exact same thing. Recently I've stopped reaching out and trying to get help. whenever I try I usually get hospitalized. Hopefully one day the thoughts go away or I actually go through with it. Anyways hope things work out for you (:

Ditto on the reaching out for help, even after telling my friends about it I found myself feeling more like shit. And thank you, it's comforting to know I'm not alone. I hope you find your peace one day.

I can only think it might be OCD from what you've written, as it seems these episodes would be spurred out of nowhere, like intrusive thoughts. There is plenty of ways to disregard these thoughts, maybe not disappear, but you can distract yourself at the heat of the moment (exercising, a relaxation technique. I know some people who pinch themselves hard enough that the pain overcomes the thoughts, however, would not recommend it).

I never considered it being OCD, but I might look more into it. Thank you! Maybe this will help me understand myself better.