Leavesfromthevine
Untreated Trauma
- Nov 23, 2023
- 339
Recently I posted in recovery asking if I should pursue this girl I started talking to but I just can't. She's done nothing wrong and honestly has been great to talk to and surprisingly actually showing interest in me. The only issue is between this deep depression and strong urge to ctb I don't have the desire to pursue her.
I just feel I can't give her myself because I'm no longer myself. She deserves someone who can do that and who will be here for a long time since she has a kid. I would hate for her to get super attached to me just for me to ctb. I suppose not everyone in life is destined to live a "normal" life and be happy. Later today I'll let her know I'm no longer going to keep trying to build a connection and just remain strangers.
I hate myself for being like this because one of my biggest desires before I ctb was to have a deep connection with someone on a romantic level but I just can't hurt them.
I just feel I can't give her myself because I'm no longer myself. She deserves someone who can do that and who will be here for a long time since she has a kid. I would hate for her to get super attached to me just for me to ctb. I suppose not everyone in life is destined to live a "normal" life and be happy. Later today I'll let her know I'm no longer going to keep trying to build a connection and just remain strangers.
I hate myself for being like this because one of my biggest desires before I ctb was to have a deep connection with someone on a romantic level but I just can't hurt them.
