Venting Suicidal tendencies are back

[First loss]

Fucking hell. I start feeling a little bit of joy in this god forsaken life and my parents and other stuff literally have to give their best to make me miserable again. Congratulations to them, they fucking made it. I seriously need to get myself a fucking gun from somebody and go out Bud Dwyer style. There is no joy in this life. Only stupid illusions of joy that demonstrate infront of a half dead person, giving them a faint light of hope, only to be extinguised as they try to grab onto it.

Fuck them all. Curse them all. I will not think about how my suicide will affect them anymore, because clearly they do not care about how their actions affect me.

 

[oopswronglife]

There is joy, even for the worst of us, it's just hard to admit it when most things suck. From the every cheery Sarte: "Hell is other people." On the flip side they can be wonderful and make life feel like it's worth it if you are around good ones.

I don't know if you live with them, but it sounds like it, and that's not easy for anyone. I'd suggest giving it a go until you can get out from under their thumbs and see if you still feel so badly. Even if you don't live with them and they are just oppressive you can still get away from them even if its uncomfortable to do so initially.

Some things we cannot change under any circumstances and those always ride with us...but we change where and who we live with over time and it can make all the difference.

 

[First loss]

There is joy, even for the worst of us, it's just hard to admit it when most things suck. From the every cheery Sarte: "Hell is other people." On the flip side they can be wonderful and make life feel like it's worth it if you are around good ones.

I don't know if you live with them, but it sounds like it, and that's not easy for anyone. I'd suggest giving it a go until you can get out from under their thumbs and see if you still feel so badly. Even if you don't live with them and they are just oppressive you can still get away from them even if its uncomfortable to do so initially.

Some things we cannot change under any circumstances and those always ride with us...but we change where and who we live with over time and it can make all the difference.

I do not have people in my life that make me feel joy, sadly. Nobody is really around me.

 

[oopswronglife]

I do not have people in my life that make me feel joy, sadly. Nobody is really around me.

I understand...and that can make it feel like they don't exist. I'm not saying you are doing it wrong or anything, those people aren't growing on trees, I was just trying to not be an unreasonable misanthrope. Not everyone sucks and as much as the sucky ones can make life hell....the good ones can be wonderful. I would never say "its gets better" as that isn't always true...but it CAN. You are in a situation that will change....you will get more autonomy and more control of your life. It's worth trying. Living with parents as some subordinate always sucks. Real life on your own isn't like that. It's not like you get more points for ctb today vs after seeing if that life can be good. Nobody says you have to live miserable to 90 if nothing changes.

 

[GeorgeJL]

Fucking hell. I start feeling a little bit of joy in this god forsaken life and my parents and other stuff literally have to give their best to make me miserable again. Congratulations to them, they fucking made it. I seriously need to get myself a fucking gun from somebody and go out Bud Dwyer style. There is no joy in this life. Only stupid illusions of joy that demonstrate infront of a half dead person, giving them a faint light of hope, only to be extinguised as they try to grab onto it.

Fuck them all. Curse them all. I will not think about how my suicide will affect them anymore, because clearly they do not care about how their actions affect me.

Sorry to hear this. Makes me wonder were you abused growing up? Like should DHS gotten involved? Were you neglected? I know that I was abused growing up to some extent.

 

[First loss]

I understand...and that can make it feel like they don't exist. I'm not saying you are doing it wrong or anything, those people aren't growing on trees, I was just trying to not be an unreasonable misanthrope. Not everyone sucks and as much as the sucky ones can make life hell....the good ones can be wonderful. I would never say "its gets better" as that isn't always true...but it CAN. You are in a situation that will change....you will get more autonomy and more control of your life. It's worth trying. Living with parents as some subordinate always sucks. Real life on your own isn't like that. It's not like you get more points for ctb today vs after seeing if that life can be good. Nobody says you have to live miserable to 90 if nothing changes.

I know. I already have decided to wait for the change but it seems so... Pointless.

Sorry to hear this. Makes me wonder were you abused growing up? Like should DHS gotten involved? Were you neglected? I know that I was abused growing up to some extent.

Physically? Kinda. A few slaps here and there, except on rare occasions when my mother would go feral. Now that I am older not because they realized that it doesn't work for me anymore as I have very high pain tolerance.

On the other hand, my mother has been verbally abusive for the most of my life. Continuously. Berating me and humilliating me. I fucking hate her. She always goes out of her way to make me miserable and then has a good day in a week and acts like a good mother towards me and stuff like that. If I do not ctb I will cut contacts with her and maybe my father as soon as I leave.

 

[GeorgeJL]

I know. I already have decided to wait for the change but it seems so... Pointless.


Physically? Kinda. A few slaps here and there, except on rare occasions when my mother would go feral. Now that I am older not because they realized that it doesn't work for me anymore as I have very high pain tolerance.

On the other hand, my mother has been verbally abusive for the most of my life. Continuously. Berating me and humilliating me. I fucking hate her. She always goes out of her way to make me miserable and then has a good day in a week and acts like a good mother towards me and stuff like that. If I do not ctb I will cut contacts with her and maybe my father as soon as I leave.

Sorry to hear that, sounds tough. I am not so sure that suicide is the right option though since your so young. What do you think about becoming a truck driver and moving out on your own so you don't have to deal with them anymore?

 

[TrinTrinTram]

I get suicidal thoughts every day... but only recently realized i actually had a way to do it easily. So i totally get it.

 

[First loss]

Sorry to hear that, sounds tough. I am not so sure that suicide is the right option though since your so young. What do you think about becoming a truck driver and moving out on your own so you don't have to deal with them anymore?

I think I am too dumb to be a truck driver. If things fail but I am alive I have plans for joining the army.