Venting Suicidal & in love

[SebVettel5]

This is a venting post. I don't know why I even created this topic, but I wanted to get some things off my chest.
I don't know if I'll ctb at the end or not, I'm on the first day of my 48 hours regimen but my survival instinct prevented me from doing so for 2 months approximately.

A month ago, I met this girl online who lives far away from me, I won't give details about her but she's the sweetest girl I've ever talked with.
I sent her messages, sharing how I felt towards her and she replied me back saying how she's moved by my messages.

Few days ago, I suggested her that we can talk online if she wants to, rather than texting each other, and she accepted it.
And it was one of the best moments of my life ever. It was like I've known her for so many years. I felt so relaxed when I was talking to her because we shared same interests in general. She laughed, I laughed, we talked about our own lives. I was drinking some beers which gave me some confidence to talk with her.

I know she had some issues in her own life. Toxic people are trying to bring her down, again I won't go into details, it was related with her career.
and I know she's kind of sad about it, but after our beautiful conversation for which she said she was grateful, she doesn't even reply my messages anymore.
I told myself maybe it's because she has her own issues which I'm aware of, but at the same time I can't stop thinking that maybe she didn't like me as she claimed,
maybe the reason she told me she had fun talking with me was because she didn't want to hurt my feelings, because she knows I'm intensely in love with her.

So, it's been few days but she doesn't reply to me anymore. I felt suicidal when I met her, maybe I shouldn't even have talked with her to begin with.
She lives in a different country, far away from me. But I'm 100% sure that for her I would even stop considering ctb'ing, and that's something I'd have never done for somebody else.

But, she doesn't reply anymore, yeah I keep typing same sentence over and over again but that hurts me, a lot.

It was as if she held the key for a door through which I would rejoin to the garden of life, but it's as if she threw the key into the toilet and flushed it out.

 

[FuneralCry]

That's simply just the way that people can be, people can certainly be unreliable and disappointing. If someone is going through something positive in life then it's just something for them to lose and cause them more pain. I'm sorry that you suffer like this.

 

[flightless bird]

She probably stopped because you're from a different country, which is understandable.

Talking with a nice person is a good experience for sure, it'll be even more valuable for someone who's constantly depressed. Perhaps you had longed for such a communication, but it doesnt necessarily mean that you were in love. You just had a really good experience and you enjoyed yourself. And you can surely do it again with someone else.

Please don't let it make you feel worse than you already do, it's just not worth it.

 

[SebVettel5]

She probably stopped because you're from a different country, which is understandable.

Talking with a nice person is a good experience for sure, it'll be even more valuable for someone who's constantly depressed. Perhaps you had longed for such a communication, but it doesnt necessarily mean that you were in love. You just had a really good experience and you enjoyed yourself. And you can surely do it again with someone else.

Please don't let it make you feel worse, it's just not worth it.

Actually that's what I thought at first. We exchanged some compliments and maybe she thought that if she grew an interest for me, she would be sadder than she already is. Maybe that's why she stopped talking to me, but I even told her that I would do everything just to see her.

She could be my only purpose in life which I could have never found in anybody except her, but now that she's gone, my sole purpose of living is gone with her.

 

[Sad_Sack]

Actually that's what I thought at first. We exchanged some compliments and maybe she thought that if she grew an interest for me, she would be sadder than she already is. Maybe that's why she stopped talking to me, but I even told her that I would do everything just to see her.

She could be my only purpose in life which I could have never found in anybody except her, but now that she's gone, my sole purpose of living is gone with her.

I was thinking same thing too. Don't worry to hard over it. Just remember that if she does back off now that you will find someone else. These things can be really heartbreaking but remember that just as you met her you can meet someone else. People can be so crappy its hard sometimes to realise, once you meet one you get along with, that they are simply not the only good ones out there. I was wrecked when my girlfriend left me when I was 18. Absolutely destroyed. She was the mother of my first kid too so it was really difficult. Thank god she did leave me because I met my wife two years later and we are still together and we have two children.

 

[SebVettel5]

I'd like to thank you for all your supportive messages. But still, I'm on my 2nd day of my 48h regimen as of now, which means if I don't get prevented by my SI, it will be over this time, if I don't mess this up. (Hopefully)

Thank you!

 

[help56]

Sorry it hurts life

 

[Un-]

I've noticed that's it's.. More and more common that people date online. Or fall in love that way. It's a bit weird, if you think about it, but I think it's beautiful that personality and conversation alone is enough to harbour feelings.

But it's not.. Good. Take it from someone who's been there, and is unfortunately still there. It never goes well. It never ends well. And while it feels nice in the moment, you should always reserve love for in-person people.

My advice is that.. I know you're in pain. But you have to slowly but surely disconnect. It sounds awful and toxic, but this person, or something external can cut you off at any moment.. Even worse, it can happen without explanation. There's even worse things that can happen.. It just doesn't work. I'm sorry.

I'm hoping the best for you.

 

[actual_fox]

It might take some time to get over It but It would be better to wait, not to ctb with broken heart, when you are emotional.

 

[help56]

I've noticed that's it's.. More and more common that people date online. Or fall in love that way. It's a bit weird, if you think about it, but I think it's beautiful that personality and conversation alone is enough to harbour feelings.

But it's not.. Good. Take it from someone who's been there, and is unfortunately still there. It never goes well. It never ends well. And while it feels nice in the moment, you should always reserve love for in-person people.

My advice is that.. I know you're in pain. But you have to slowly but surely disconnect. It sounds awful and toxic, but this person, or something external can cut you off at any moment.. Even worse, it can happen without explanation. There's even worse things that can happen.. It just doesn't work. I'm sorry.

I'm hoping the best for you.

Can you please pm me . I sm struggling with life heartbreak in the way you describe

It might take some time to get over It but It would be better to wait, not to ctb with broken heart, when you are emotional.

Can you please pm me . Thank you .
Anyone still around on this thread . Please help me . I don't want to ctb but I am struggling with life heartbreak please . I beg someone for a few kind words