BleedingConstantly
silly student for silly paitents
- Jan 12, 2026
- 3
hiyaaa y'all,
many of you don't really know who I am, which is a bittersweet feeling. But I would like to give some info about where I am currently.
I have been self harming since 10ish, but "actually" did it in late highschool till current day. I came from around four suicide attempts, four hospitalizations, a lot of first aid (like a lot, but I did it myself like suturing and basic first aid). I still struggle with sh a bit here and there, same with suicidality.
But, I'm in a weird position? Every birthday of mine, it's like a curse since I always say "damn I got x old, I should of attempted/died by now" etc. It still happens now, and the funny part is I'm going to be working in prehospital care soon. And I'm in school for psychology. It's quite funny to be honest, but it is ... working? idk working is the right word. I still struggle with all of my issues. But I never saw a future, and I still don't really because I'm too pessmetic/realistic depending on how you look at it. It's a weird feeling.
I wish I could tell everyone here, including myself, that it gets better. But to be honest, I don't think it does get better inherently. It's more that you learn how to deal with it better or for worse. It's still a struggle everyday to keep going, and I was suppose to attempt at my favorite spot in the city in December. But I didn't let myself go because I would of done it. It's weird. It's like the meme where it talks about the two desires: one to get better and the other to get worse. I wish I was just one or the other most if not sometimes. but I'm just in a gray area
many of you don't really know who I am, which is a bittersweet feeling. But I would like to give some info about where I am currently.
I have been self harming since 10ish, but "actually" did it in late highschool till current day. I came from around four suicide attempts, four hospitalizations, a lot of first aid (like a lot, but I did it myself like suturing and basic first aid). I still struggle with sh a bit here and there, same with suicidality.
But, I'm in a weird position? Every birthday of mine, it's like a curse since I always say "damn I got x old, I should of attempted/died by now" etc. It still happens now, and the funny part is I'm going to be working in prehospital care soon. And I'm in school for psychology. It's quite funny to be honest, but it is ... working? idk working is the right word. I still struggle with all of my issues. But I never saw a future, and I still don't really because I'm too pessmetic/realistic depending on how you look at it. It's a weird feeling.
I wish I could tell everyone here, including myself, that it gets better. But to be honest, I don't think it does get better inherently. It's more that you learn how to deal with it better or for worse. It's still a struggle everyday to keep going, and I was suppose to attempt at my favorite spot in the city in December. But I didn't let myself go because I would of done it. It's weird. It's like the meme where it talks about the two desires: one to get better and the other to get worse. I wish I was just one or the other most if not sometimes. but I'm just in a gray area
