Stupid parents

[Red]

Still riding on the stress of the prospect of dealing with my monster in law this weekend, reminding me of my own dysfunctional "family" and the frustrating role reversal of being a therapist/emotional punch bag/frenemy to an ex step-relative on the female side of things…

Now it's the men's turn. Today we have been frustrated by my son's emotionally constipated father, who, rather than simply say "no" to my sons request for money, left him on read for three days and then exploded at the repeated request as he resents "being used as a bank".

After years of setting the precedent of giving material things as compensation for emotional distress, surely this shouldn't have come as a shock to him?? The poor kid has been trying to arrange meetings for months and been shrugged off time and time again - the only way he's been able to get his father to interact of late is through arranging these money transfers as he can't even be bothered to hold a decent conversation, let alone see him!

Oh and it's not even just that - after my son replied in kind to the barrage of abuse and accusation his father sent ("you're lazy and entitled, get a job" - he's a professional artist who has done paid commissions since he was at least 15!) with just a glint of the deep bitterness he feels about being dysfunctionally clung to and isolated for so long and then pushed straight out as soon as his father moved in his girlfriend, his father instantly blocked him on the one platform they have any contact over. He doesn't even have his phone number.

Good move. I couldn't actually believe it at first but then this is the same guy who responded to his child running away from their home years ago by DISABLING HIS SIM CARD, for which he paid £1 a month at the time. Bang on form.

Yeah go on, keep telling everyone that I was/am the bad parent when you block him and cut him off at the first sign of trouble, while I resorted to dropping cards through the letterbox when you alienated him from me enough that he didn't reply to my messages all those years ago. Keep on spouting shit while all your idiotic actions show your true colours! Meanwhile he thrives in my care, growing stronger and more stable every day…

I hope everyone around him start realise how much he ducks and dodges all responsibility and accountability, how much he outright lies to make himself look better, how cowardly he is that he can't even own up to his own feelings, let alone express them honestly to anyone else. It's about time he started to reap all the shit seeds he's been sowing all these years…

"When you plant shit seeds, you get shit weeds" - some trailer park boys episode - trying to keep it light but actually can't lol

So bloody livid right now, I wish that people took parenting more seriously n didn't see it as some sort of fucking power trip! So sick of dealing with the fallout of overinflated egos and lack of emotional intelligence, especially when they're the ones supposed to be setting the example for their children

Utter twat. Those chickens will come hone to roost one day… I hope you've got room for them all because it seems like you've got enough chicken shit to last you a lifetime.

 

[t0rnbetween]

Still riding on the stress of the prospect of dealing with my monster in law this weekend, reminding me of my own dysfunctional "family" and the frustrating role reversal of being a therapist/emotional punch bag/frenemy to an ex step-relative on the female side of things…

Now it's the men's turn. Today we have been frustrated by my son's emotionally constipated father, who, rather than simply say "no" to my sons request for money, left him on read for three days and then exploded at the repeated request as he resents "being used as a bank".

After years of setting the precedent of giving material things as compensation for emotional distress, surely this shouldn't have come as a shock to him?? The poor kid has been trying to arrange meetings for months and been shrugged off time and time again - the only way he's been able to get his father to interact of late is through arranging these money transfers as he can't even be bothered to hold a decent conversation, let alone see him!

Oh and it's not even just that - after my son replied in kind to the barrage of abuse and accusation his father sent ("you're lazy and entitled, get a job" - he's a professional artist who has done paid commissions since he was at least 15!) with just a glint of the deep bitterness he feels about being dysfunctionally clung to and isolated for so long and then pushed straight out as soon as his father moved in his girlfriend, his father instantly blocked him on the one platform they have any contact over. He doesn't even have his phone number.

Good move. I couldn't actually believe it at first but then this is the same guy who responded to his child running away from their home years ago by DISABLING HIS SIM CARD, for which he paid £1 a month at the time. Bang on form.

Yeah go on, keep telling everyone that I was/am the bad parent when you block him and cut him off at the first sign of trouble, while I resorted to dropping cards through the letterbox when you alienated him from me enough that he didn't reply to my messages all those years ago. Keep on spouting shit while all your idiotic actions show your true colours! Meanwhile he thrives in my care, growing stronger and more stable every day…

I hope everyone around him start realise how much he ducks and dodges all responsibility and accountability, how much he outright lies to make himself look better, how cowardly he is that he can't even own up to his own feelings, let alone express them honestly to anyone else. It's about time he started to reap all the shit seeds he's been sowing all these years…

"When you plant shit seeds, you get shit weeds" - some trailer park boys episode - trying to keep it light but actually can't lol

So bloody livid right now, I wish that people took parenting more seriously n didn't see it as some sort of fucking power trip! So sick of dealing with the fallout of overinflated egos and lack of emotional intelligence, especially when they're the ones supposed to be setting the example for their children

Utter twat. Those chickens will come hone to roost one day… I hope you've got room for them all because it seems like you've got enough chicken shit to last you a lifetime.

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Sorry for what you're going through :(. My response to toxic people more and more, whether they're family or not, is to limit interaction with them as much as necessary or keep it very formal. Sometimes I have to block and avoid people because there is no working together with them and their ways are literally destructive. I cease any type of dependence on them (if that's a source of contention). Can't let people think they're more essential in your life than what they truly are. Then they'll feel as though they have some control over you and your life. It's unfortunate your son has to go through that with his own father. I really hope you guys are able to distance yourselves from all the dysfunction.

 

[Pluto]

What you describe sounds very similar to my father as well as a close friend's father (we largely bonded over the trauma of going through the same thing).

I can already tell you that the eventual outcome will be a total and permanent cessation of contact, and the sooner he gives up trying in vain to 'persuade' his father to care about him the better. It turns out that narcissism and parenting aren't a very good mix.

 

[Red]

Sorry for what you're going through :(. My response to toxic people more and more, whether they're family or not, is to limit interaction with them as much as necessary or keep it very formal. Sometimes I have to block and avoid people because there is no working together with them and their ways are literally destructive. I cease any type of dependence on them (if that's a source of contention). Can't let people think they're more essential in your life than what they truly are. Then they'll feel as though they have some control over you and your life. It's unfortunate your son has to go through that with his own father. I really hope you guys are able to distance yourselves from all the dysfunction.

Agreed! I've unfortunately had to cut several members of my "family" out of my life simply for self preservation lol so many years of trying to mediate and keep the peace, all for nothing!

Luckily my "boy" is soon to be 19 and is already learning to manage his expectations in order not to be disappointed! Pity his father can't do the same!

Thank you for your words of support x

What you describe sounds very similar to my father as well as a close friend's father (we largely bonded over the trauma of going through the same thing).

I can already tell you that the eventual outcome will be a total and permanent cessation of contact, and the sooner he gives up trying in vain to 'persuade' his father to care about him the better. It turns out that narcissism and parenting aren't a very good mix.

I'm sorry that you have to deal with this too so sad to be lacking that basic support, my own father is quite narcissistic too and I found quite early on that life is much better without him in it…

Oh the stuff they miss while their heads are buried in the sand!