Venting Stuck

[Jinnberg]

I've been trying to recover for so long but this loneliness is so painful. I can hardly get out of bed without sobbing uncontrollably. I've been severely depressed for so long, I often wonder when it will end.

This sinking feeling in my chest is so unbearable.

The days pass by so quickly, I can feel my life slipping through my fingertips. The experiences and opportunities that I could have had have all passed me by. It's so isolating and I don't know how much more of this I can handle.

If I even so much as attempt to leave the house my family threatens to call the police because they think I'm going to attempt suicide again. I'm an adult and yet I'm still treated like a child who can't make decisions for himself.

They've been monitoring me even more after I got fired from my job. They won't even let me find another one. I'm stuck in this house.

I'd attempt to leave but I know the cops would believe them due to my past record from when I was a teen. It's so disheartening that everyone sees me as some deranged lunatic because I want to die.

I wish my last attempt a month ago succeeded, I wouldn't be in the predicament I'm in right now had that been the case.

I'm sick of the constant guilt tripping from them, I don't owe it to anyone to keep living. This is my life and I choose when it ends. My body is mine and mine alone, my body doesn't belong to anyone else. I am not property. I'm a living breathing person with my own thoughts, feelings, and ambitions.

I've carefully thought over this decision over the course of my life, I've been severely depressed for nearly my entire life. I've been on medication and have tried lots of different of therapies for nearly a decade now. I am tired, I've tried so hard to get better but it only gets worse as the years painfully drag on.

I'm turning 20 this year and its all just passing me by, it's embarrassing to live this way. I wish I was normal, I wish I wasn't so miserable.

I so desperately wish I could enjoy my life and live it to the fullest but I'm afraid that simply isn't in the cards for me.

 

[BrokenBliss]

I've been trying to recover for so long but this loneliness is so painful. I can hardly get out of bed without sobbing uncontrollably. I've been severely depressed for so long, I often wonder when it will end.

This sinking feeling in my chest is so unbearable.

The days pass by so quickly, I can feel my life slipping through my fingertips. The experiences and opportunities that I could have had have all passed me by. It's so isolating and I don't know how much more of this I can handle.

If I even so much as attempt to leave the house my family threatens to call the police because they think I'm going to attempt suicide again. I'm an adult and yet I'm still treated like a child who can't make decisions for himself.

They've been monitoring me even more after I got fired from my job. They won't even let me find another one. I'm stuck in this house.

I'd attempt to leave but I know the cops would believe them due to my past record from when I was a teen. It's so disheartening that everyone sees me as some deranged lunatic because I want to die.

I wish my last attempt a month ago succeeded, I wouldn't be in the predicament I'm in right now had that been the case.

I'm sick of the constant guilt tripping from them, I don't owe it to anyone to keep living. This is my life and I choose when it ends. My body is mine and mine alone, my body doesn't belong to anyone else. I am not property. I'm a living breathing person with my own thoughts, feelings, and ambitions.

I've carefully thought over this decision over the course of my life, I've been severely depressed for nearly my entire life. I've been on medication and have tried lots of different of therapies for nearly a decade now. I am tired, I've tried so hard to get better but it only gets worse as the years painfully drag on.

I'm turning 20 this year and its all just passing me by, it's embarrassing to live this way. I wish I was normal, I wish I wasn't so miserable.

I so desperately wish I could enjoy my life and live it to the fullest but I'm afraid that simply isn't in the cards for me.

Gosh, you're so young. Yet you are an adult, like you said. If there were a way for your circumstances to improve, would you want to try? Or have you given up on that altogether?

 

[Red Scare]

The experiences and opportunities that I could have had have all passed me by.

This is just so heart breaking to read. You're so young and you have literally your entire life ahead of you, you're barely out of high school.

I've been severely depressed for nearly my entire life. I've been on medication and have tried lots of different of therapies for nearly a decade now. I am tired, I've tried so hard to get better but it only gets worse as the years painfully drag on.

Do you know what is causing you to be so depressed?

If your depression is caused by something situational or circumstantial, then it would make sense that no amount of therapy or meds will take the depression away, you have to change the underlying cause of that depression. If it's tied to living at home, and being around controlling parentsl you're at an age where you could move out and make a life for yourself doing practically whatever you want.

Unless you're severely disabled, or impoverished, and depending on what country you live in, you still have plenty of opportunities to go to school, or start a career and lead a very fulfilling life.

I so desperately wish I could enjoy my life and live it to the fullest but I'm afraid that simply isn't in the cards for me.

Well, why not? I get it that you are depressed, but what is it that is causing you to be depressed? What are you depressed about when you get down? I can understand having an illness or severe disability, difficult circumstances that would prevent you from being able to enjoy life. That would be depressing to anyone. But assuming it's not due to anything out of your control, if there was anything you could change about your life so that it were less depressing, what would that be?

 

[Jinnberg]

This is just so heart breaking to read. You're so young and you have literally your entire life ahead of you, you're barely out of high school.

Do you know what is causing you to be so depressed?

If your depression is caused by something situational or circumstantial, then it would make sense that no amount of therapy or meds will take the depression away, you have to change the underlying cause of that depression. If it's tied to living at home, and being around controlling parentsl you're at an age where you could move out and make a life for yourself doing practically whatever you want.

Unless you're severely disabled, or impoverished, and depending on what country you live in, you still have plenty of opportunities to go to school, or start a career and lead a very fulfilling life.

Well, why not? I get it that you are depressed, but what is it that is causing you to be depressed? What are you depressed about when you get down? I can understand having an illness or severe disability, difficult circumstances that would prevent you from being able to enjoy life. That would be depressing to anyone. But assuming it's not due to anything out of your control, if there was anything you could change about your life so that it were less depressing, what would that be?

I'd say my depression is a mix of both situational and my brain is wired to be that way due to my family history with depression and mental illness.

Even when I did have a decent life by most people's standards, I couldn't really be happy then either.

I think what caused my depression in the 1st place was realizing how wrong existing felt? I'm not really sure how to explain it, just the idea of having a physical body always me feel nauseous or made me feel despair. My skin always disgusted me to the point where I wasn't able to focus on anything else.

In addition to the severe bullying I got as a kid, it was a bad mix and it only spiraled from there.

I first felt that when I was around 8 I think? Alot of traumatic things (that I'd rather not get into) have happened since then, hence the therapy at a young age.

I don't really know what's wrong with me, aside from the trauma, which I've tried to work through but nothing has really helped with that.

But I could also be struggling to see the bigger picture here, I'm not so sure.

If I could change one thing about my life, maybe to be more confident? To be at least 40% less depressed. I'd still be depressed, but I would at the very least be functional enough to work a job and work on my hobbies.

I apologize if this is intelligible, I'm not in the best headspace and thus my thoughts are all scrambled

Gosh, you're so young. Yet you are an adult, like you said. If there were a way for your circumstances to improve, would you want to try? Or have you given up on that altogether?

I'd be willing to try, I'm still trying to push through despite how crushing it all feels. Though, I'm not entirely sure how much longer I could push through it.

Right now, I'm just focusing on moving out, but it's definitely going to be difficult with rent prices going up.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry that you are suffering so much, it sounds like you are going through a lot. I know that it is hard to carry on when you cannot take anymore of this life. I understand that it is dreadful when things just get worse. I can imagine that it must be really frustrating having to deal with people like that, I wish that we lived in a world where our right to die is respected. I wish you the best in whatever happens.