Venting Stuck waiting

[lostmeaning]

Already know how I want to do it which I'm not sure if it would be smart to name, but I have 8 months left until I would have access to that method. Don't know how I'm going to keep functioning enough to work every day for that long, but I know I don't want to quit either since it wouldn't make anything better to live in my car doing nothing or watch myself lose everything I have for 8 months instead. I just want to end it right now very badly but I can't. I feel like this every single day and I threw up last night probably from it. There is no other way that is instant, virtually painless, successful, and that I have access to. Or they require too much preparation so it's likely it will fail. I just can't handle living anymore and the pressure of working forever as someone who is quiet so doesn't fit in at most workplaces, even though I'm doing alright at my current one. I've wanted to ctb my whole life and nothing gets better, I've felt this way for months just trying to function enough to work and having no way out of it but waiting. Don't know what to do. SN seemed ok but it seems like it is actually painful which I know I would regret then. CO would be good if it wasn't so much preparation and uncertainty, I bought charcoal and grills for it awhile ago but realize it's likely to be unsuccessful or take hours possibly to work which is far too much time to wait and think. Drug overdose seems not bad but don't have access to it. Just no way out but I still have to be ok enough for work tomorrow.

 

[FuneralCry]

I do understand that it really can be so torturous and tiring feeling trapped here when you just wish to be free from everything, I hope that you eventually find what you search for, best wishes.

 

[rotciv]

I think there are more peaceful ways to go, depending on where you are, you can boof fentanyl or any potent opiod analogue. Or combined with oxycodone. Pentobarbital is available in some countries in Latin America and some others. Other barbiturates are also readily available in countries like India. Most opt for SN because it is the most available and I think its unpleasant effects can be lessened.

 

[lostmeaning]

I think there are more peaceful ways to go, depending on where you are, you can boof fentanyl or any potent opiod analogue. Or combined with oxycodone. Pentobarbital is available in some countries in Latin America and some others. Other barbiturates are also readily available in countries like India. Most opt for SN because it is the most available and I think its

I've thought fent is a good option but don't have access to it.. seems like I have no peaceful options. Even the way I want to I am not 100% sure I will be able to get it yet, could get unlucky if minor stuff from years ago stops me.