Stuck in limbo since forever

[nifii]

I was 10-11 when suicide crossed my mind for the first time. I'm 23 now. Life just gets worse and worse every year i grow older. It's kinda weird. I'm at a point were i don't even feel like i can't handle life anymore. I know there are ways for me to deal better with shit or whatever, i just don't want to anymore. I don't want to accept the reality i'm in. It's just when i try to live its one foot in one foot out. I always keep suicide in the back of my mind. I'm so done with this. I'm hoping to ctb before i turn 24. But i hate it so much. I wanna go so badly but i hate it to hurt people. I'm probably gonna use SN which also leaves your body behind blue/green and i hate it to scare the person that will find me. I hate it that my mom probably wouldn't be able to handle it. I would disrupt so many lives :/ fuckkkk i wanna go

 

[MyLifeisHell]

I hear you. What kinds of things have you been struggling with in life?

 

[thymonkey4]

Similar situation as you. 23 years, can't help but feel like I want to just give up on life at times.

 

[FuneralCry]

I do believe that it's true that as time goes on, this existence certainly does get worse causing us to suffer more and feel more tired of everything. It's awful how this life can get worse beyond how we can even imagine it to with no limits as to how much torment we can experience.
This does make the thought of non existence sound so incredibly appealing to me, as I wish to leave to prevent unnecessary problems that I will inevitably have to be faced with if I continue to stay here. There is no point and benefit to endlessly suffering just to die anyway, such a thing sounds so undesirable to me. But your feelings are completely understandable, I could never accept something so useless and awful as existence, to be here in this world is a burden that was so unfairly inflicted on to us.

 

[nifii]

I hear you. What kinds of things have you been struggling with in life?

Abusive house hold. Finally getting help for mental health when i was 18 and then getting health issues from the medication they gave me (before that i was still fully functional in life, just unhappy) also got raped by a fucking homeless guy like a few weeks ago. I'm fucking done. Nothing will bring back my old healthy self and i don't wanna accept this shit