Venting Stuck in a limbo

[Saponification]

I sort of opened up for the first time in my life to two people. One of them told me to cut off toxic people from my life, to be grateful, to meditate, journal, to start reading the bible. The other told me to start experimenting, to go "crazy" so long as I didn't get killed or end up in jail.

I got to thinking. I'd already thought about or even tried most of these advices, but I always knew I wasn't really trying enough. I mostly dropped the good habits, and I only socialize well within my comfort zone and in short bursts.

For a person who supposedly had given up on everything, I sure seem to care so much. I guess I'm frightened of everything, for much the same reason I'm not frightened of death.

And, I suppose it's commonplace for those who are truly suicidal. I don't mean people who find themselves cornered against a personal problem to which suicide's seemingly the only solution to—I mean people who see life as a damnation whose only antidote is death, people who would worship Death if it were a god. These people are stuck in a limbo where suicide should be an obvious choice if it weren't for our hardwired survival instinct, whilst simultaneously not being to move forward in life due to being paralyzed by our hypersensitivity to suffering.

...Or maybe that's just me. Whatever. End rant

 

[goodbye-to-a-world]

Not just you. I feel exactly the same way. I'm tired of being stagnant, but I'm too anxiety riddled to get anything meaningful done. Any little burst of inspiration or motivation gets squished like a bug because I feel like even if things worked out, I'd still be unhappy and if they didn't, I'd be downright distraught. I can't move forward into finding happiness and I can't go back to the happiness of my naïvety. I know too much and absolutely nothing at all and it's keeping me trapped like a loser while my peers and those younger than me have no problems or are at least able to be a functional human being in the face of them.

Glad to know it isn't just me.

 

[Saponification]

Not just you. I feel exactly the same way. I'm tired of being stagnant, but I'm too anxiety riddled to get anything meaningful done. Any little burst of inspiration or motivation gets squished like a bug because I feel like even if things worked out, I'd still be unhappy and if they didn't, I'd be downright distraught. I can't move forward into finding happiness and I can't go back to the happiness of my naïvety. I know too much and absolutely nothing at all and it's keeping me trapped like a loser while my peers and those younger than me have no problems or are at least able to be a functional human being in the face of them.

Glad to know it isn't just me.

Oh hey, I'm the first post that you commented in, I'm honored. Granted, you just created your account, though. Welcome to SaSu.

It seems as though "normal" people just don't have the same sensitivity to external stimuli that we do. Sometimes I envy that, but when I think about it, what value is there in that? If I were like everyone else, distracted and satisfied enough to the point where they don't feel the need to question this infinite value that society vehemently attributes to life, that would lead me to live a meaningless long life, assuming death by natural causes. Considering we all meet the same end, sometimes I feel like being a suicidal person is more "optimal", on account of it inevitably leading to a short lifespan. Anyways, I know this is just the depression talking, lol.