TellTale Her
New Member
- Feb 24, 2021
- 1
I'm a 26 year old wife and mother. My husband tries his best to make me happy. I say this because, my marriage isn't all messed up and I want y'all to know that. The problem is me, I'm not happy. I was just held in a hospital under suicide watch, because of another unsuccessful attempt. I thought I felt numb, but then why can't I do it? I think about my kids... those poor babies. I can't even show them the love and affection they need because of my own trauma. I don't even like them touching me. I cringe when I have to hug them. It's not their fault, it's not my fault. I just can't heal, I've tried. I was in counseling/therapy my whole adolescence, I leaned on God after my first attempt, I started meditation, workouts, a healthy diet. All in vain. I say I'm stuck because I don't have the courage to do it, all my failed attempts feel like I'm fading a little more each time. I get sick to my stomach thinking about how much of a burden I am to my husband, how much my kids love me and I am unable to show them back. It's selfish, it really is. But I've tried, I promise I have. I don't know what to do anymore. Then my mom says, " you need counseling, your life isn't even that bad." This bitch is the reason I'm fucked up. She stayed with my step dad after he admitted to doing shit to me when I was 14/15 years old. How could she not understand all the hurt and trauma that I live with. That's not the only thing that's happened, I just wanted to put in perspective what I am dealing with. It's fucking ridiculous. I don't want anything to happen to my kids, and I know my husband is a great dad. It's me, I'm the problem. I'm so fucking stuck.
