Stuck here I guess

[Wyldfyre4948]

This year has beat the shit out of me every chance it got. Death has been a constant thought in my head and I've had numerous attempts. My self worth is gone and the fact that I've failed so many times didn't help. I'm an all around failure it would seem. Nobody wants me and I can't trust anyone after a lifetime of being burned by friends and family. Despite how horrible everything is going I've taken a more passive mindset to death.

If a sure thing comes up I'd probably go for it, but I've been guilted into sticking around. My family has been trying to help me through this. I'm not really getting better, and that has me putting on a show for their peace of mind. Everything is bleak but I don't want to break their hearts after they've tried. Though I've had a couple people tell me I need to get out of this funk I'm in. That's about as effective as telling someone who's angry to calm down.

Maybe I'll spend this time researching other ways to ctb. Really dreading these holidays coming up. I keep hoping to fall asleep one night and just not wake up. Things has seemingly been getting worse since the start of 2020 for me. Think I'm just doomed to live.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

Sorry you've been treated badly by family and so - called friends yet feel forced to live for their sakes.
I've been through this too and it used to make me feel like a trapped animal , yet now I've gone beyond caring anymore about what they think.
Ultimately we are the ones who are having to endure unbearable suffering and people telling us to try and shake ourselves out of it is offensive to me.
I'm dreading the holidays too. It just adds more suffering to an already dreadful situation.

 

[thewalkingdread]

Ultimately we are the ones who are having to endure unbearable suffering and people telling us to try and shake ourselves out of it is offensive to me.

 

[FuneralCry]

It's certainly very much understandable just wishing to never wake, it must be tiring what you've been through, I find it cruel how we are denied the option to just die in peace when we want to. But anyway best wishes.