Venting Stuck between leaving him to ctb or keep holding on

[fukinfrogg]

The urge to ctb has been getting stronger and stronger the past few weeks. I don't have a method or date yet but I'm most likely going to just od since it's the easiest ( and most accessible) method for me. I want everything to be over already but I'm terrified of leaving him behind. (My fiancé) Is there a way to get rid of the guilt of doing this to him? Is it something I can just overcome or will I have to deal with it to the very last second? Should I just wait til the urge to ctb is stronger than my love for him ? (I think that's possible? )

Sorry for the long post,

 

[endofafoxtwo]

Why are you asking us about this rather than him? Don't you trust him?

 

[fukinfrogg]

Why are you asking us about this rather than him? Don't you trust him?

I have brought it up to him multiple times. He just gives me the same crap about how I'm an amazing person and have our whole lives ahead of us. I obviously don't believe him. I want to die, I'm just having a hard time dealing with the feelings of leaving him I guess; not really sure what to say ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 

[Sparx]

I understand this, feel really bad about leaving my family behind. But when the pain gets too much I guess you just have to do what you feel is best for you. Some may call that selfish but so is people expecting others who are suffering to live on just to not hurt their feelings.

 

[FuneralCry]

From what I'm aware overdosing generally isn't the most reliable way to ctb, but anyway when it comes to leaving other people behind the fact is that nobody is obligated to continue existing here, it's completely a personal decision when to leave this world. Grief and loss are just inevitable as long as one exists here and we all have to die and lose everything someday.

 

[fukinfrogg]

From what I'm aware overdosing generally isn't the most reliable way to ctb, but anyway when it comes to leaving other people behind the fact is that nobody is obligated to continue existing here, it's completely a personal decision when to leave this world. Grief and loss are just inevitable as long as one exists here and we all have to die and lose everything someday.

Yeah I've failed 2 times with overdosing but it's pretty much the only thing I have, I can't really buy anything for a more reliable method cuz I have no money, and some other "non equipment" methods are either just too scary or not something I wanna do. I'm kinda just thinking all take all the meds I have and hoping that'll work

 

[Valky]

Yeah I've failed 2 times with overdosing but it's pretty much the only thing I have, I can't really buy anything for a more reliable method cuz I have no money, and some other "non equipment" methods are either just too scary or not something I wanna do. I'm kinda just thinking all take all the meds I have and hoping that'll work

Hi again frog,

I really think that this is a terrible idea. The chances of being left with permanent damage instead are way too high :/

 

[fukinfrogg]

Hi again frog,

I really think that this is a terrible idea. The chances of being left with permanent damage instead are way too high :/

Oh ? I've never really looked into it before as od isn't my preferred method, just the easiest. I know I'm stuck with permanent tremors in my hands ( not sure if it was from my first attempt or something else but that's about when I noticed it) I've also heard that some people get like kidney or liver damage or something like that I think ?

 

[Valky]

Oh ? I've never really looked into it before as od isn't my preferred method, just the easiest. I know I'm stuck with permanent tremors in my hands ( not sure if it was from my first attempt or something else but that's about when I noticed it) I've also heard that some people get like kidney or liver damage or something like that I think ?

Ohh :( yess, your liver is responsible for dealing with the different substances…well you can imagine what happens to it