raiseurweapon
Member
- Feb 22, 2023
- 25
my entire life i really struggled with connecting with people and whenever i did id get crazy attached and would rely on them (clearly these friendships did not last long) i started to isolate myself after highschool and just became chronically online, and then moved states so i erased every single trace of me on the internet. so i completely stopped talking to people irl for YEARS. but then i ended up getting in my first relationship for a year. and i found out he was cheating on me the entire time and it made me fully shut out everyone, this truamatized me because he knew i only wanted to be with one person for the rest of my life, he knew i thought it was him, yet was having sex with another girl behind my back. i gave up and just accepted i was never going to be able to let in anyone in again because of how bad this hurt me. i rejected every single chance i had at a relationship, but i dont know how to let people in or even know who the right people to let in are. i am SO scared of getting hurt again but i understand its life and no matter what it will happen. i feel so alone. i dont think i will ever find someone willing to fully commit to me, and it drives me crazy. currently i still live my life basically online. i have no friends irl since after covid, and i do feel like i will end up dying alone in my room because i cant bring myself to talk to people without leaving them or vise versa. this feels silly to type but i really think about this every second of everyday and its getting to a point where i am thinking i deserve this life and how i feel. i do struggle with mental issues if that isnt clear enough. but i am just so tired of being alone, irl and online. happy holidays everyone if you are still reading this. spread all the kindness ur heart can give <3 i wish the best for everyone here. my dms are open if anyone wants to talk about literally anything.
