Venting Struggling

[Treeline589]

I'm really struggling right now. As I have mentioned before, me therapist terminated me 4 days ago. To be completely honest, that relationship was the one thing keeping me alive. I know that sounds stupid to most people, but it was. Six years and it's just done. I know I'm going through some grieving, but I feel like I can't even do that right. The pain is just a lot to take and all I want to do is end the pain. I have N and am considering taking it soon. I have a week off from work so I will probably try to make it through the days off, but if things don't improve I'm drinking the N. I have had to deal with suicidal ideation for the last 30 years. I think I have given life a fair shot- tried to get better but in the end its just apparent that I don't belong here, never really have.

 

[Cathy Ames]

Is there any chance of your getting a new therapist? I think it's awesome you were able to connect and stick it out in therapy for six years, and maybe a different person could help you progress in some different areas. It seems weird he didn't give you a referral or something like that.

 

[Treeline589]

It seems weird he didn't give you a referral or something like that.

He did actually, I'm just not sure I want to give the new one a chance. I don't want to get hurt again. Besides it takes me a long ass time to trust someone and open up to them.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry that you are in this situation, I know that this life can be unbearable when you are suffering so much. I understand that it can be hard to carry on when things seem hopeless. I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do.

 

[plough22]

I'm really struggling right now. As I have mentioned before, me therapist terminated me 4 days ago. To be completely honest, that relationship was the one thing keeping me alive. I know that sounds stupid to most people, but it was. Six years and it's just done. I know I'm going through some grieving, but I feel like I can't even do that right. The pain is just a lot to take and all I want to do is end the pain. I have N and am considering taking it soon. I have a week off from work so I will probably try to make it through the days off, but if things don't improve I'm drinking the N. I have had to deal with suicidal ideation for the last 30 years. I think I have given life a fair shot- tried to get better but in the end its just apparent that I don't belong here, never really have.

I hope it gets better for you, somewhat at least, that you see a light, I've seen enough darkness so i know how you feel. I don't know your situation, pick one thing that can kill you, do something that makes you feel alive. You will find a way, I'm doing a parachute and then a mountain peak, changes could die but might not also, it can pick you up and look forward into the future, something to aim for and to keep alive, best wishes to you