Venting Struggling

[BPD_LE]

I'm really struggling right now. I've isolated myself so the only contact I have is doctors, nurses and here. If I phone my doctors I'll say too much and my plan will be ruined. You guys are all I've got. I can't leave yet. But each hour seems to get slower and slower. I'm in so much pain, just the thought of the next hour makes me want to kill myself. I've got myself in such a mess the only thing I can do is practice partial as a form of SH but it's leaving marks. This is fucking ridiculous.

 

[TiredBipolar]

We are here for you if you need to talk, much love, peace.

 

[BPD_LE]

Wait, wait listen to this. This is my life in a nutshell........ So I caved and rang my nurse and she's off until Wednesday. I'm actually laughing.
And no, I don't want to speak to duty.
Partial practice it is.

 

[Rachel74]

I am here for you to vent, to cry and to chat with, my pm is open to you so please don't feel you are alone xx

 

[alexithymia]

I am here for you as well.

 

[Yorkshire91]

I'm kind of in the same boat, can't do anything about it yet. I use drugs to try get by here if you ever wanna chat

 

[BPD_LE]

I'm kind of in the same boat, can't do anything about it yet. I use drugs to try get by here if you ever wanna chat

Thanks. Yeah I'm gonna take my night meds and benzos soon. Really want alcohol too but can't be bothered to go out and get some. I've done a bit on my ctb plan so the afternoon hasn't been completely wasted.

 

[Yorkshire91]

Thanks. Yeah I'm gonna take my night meds and benzos soon. Really want alcohol too but can't be bothered to go out and get some. I've done a bit on my ctb plan so the afternoon hasn't been completely wasted.

You're welcomesounds like a good plan, they wont give me much benzos because of my previous attempt the 2mg diazepam have taken the edge off slightly though so not too bad. What do you like to drink? I love bourbon but doubt it would be very good for me atm lol. That's good hope it all comes together for you.

 

[BPD_LE]

What do you like to drink? I love bourbon but doubt it would be very good for me atm lol.

I could have a bourbon right now. Any spirits, vodka, gin, rum (dark) It's not good for me either, I detoxed 5 years ago. Though to be fair, I've not been alcohol dependent since. More of a binger now.

 

[Yorkshire91]

I could have a bourbon right now. Any spirits, vodka, gin, rum (dark) It's not good for me either, I detoxed 5 years ago. Though to be fair, I've not been alcohol dependent since. More of a binger now.

I'm quite fussy with spirits lol can't stand dark rum and gin wow the hangover is horrendous for me although I like the flavoured gin liqueurs. Really want one now but I know I'll end up regretting it so I'll stick to my weed and have my zopiclone later.

 

[BPD_LE]

I'll stick to my weed and have my zopiclone later.

Shit, I used to be on zopiclone, I abused the hell out of it. Mixing it with alcohol made me manic and aggressive, wondering around town bare foot looking for a fight . I'm on Quetiapine now, alcohol just makes it knock me out quicker. Suits me fine.

 

[Yorkshire91]

Shit, I used to be on zopiclone, I abused the hell out of it. Mixing it with alcohol made me manic and aggressive, wondering around town bare foot looking for a fight . I'm on Quetiapine now, alcohol just makes it knock me out quicker. Suits me fine.

Wow that sounds like a bad mix lol. They give me a few days at a time I take 7mg it keeps me asleep most nights. My sister is on that she gave me 100mg the other night which I took with my zopiclone, my head was a massive fog the next morning couldn't think for shit didn't need a spliff that morning

 

[Girobatol]

That mix of alcohol and antipsychotics and benzos is nasty!

 

[BPD_LE]

That mix of alcohol and antipsychotics and benzos is nasty!

Deadly if you're lucky

 

[Girobatol]

Deadly if you're lucky

I fainted once, got really sick another, but didnt kill me...

 

[BPD_LE]

I fainted once, got really sick another, but didnt kill me...

Killed my best friend 10 years ago, along with hypothermia.

 

[Phoenix1990]

I'm really struggling right now. I've isolated myself so the only contact I have is doctors, nurses and here. If I phone my doctors I'll say too much and my plan will be ruined. You guys are all I've got. I can't leave yet. But each hour seems to get slower and slower. I'm in so much pain, just the thought of the next hour makes me want to kill myself. I've got myself in such a mess the only thing I can do is practice partial as a form of SH but it's leaving marks. This is fucking ridiculous.

I'm in the same boat as you unfortunately. Had appointment today with mental health team, which went in one ear and out of the other. Same questions, 'have you self-harmed? Do you have any plans to take your life? Blah blah blah!!! I just can't bare any of it. I completely get it when you say it feels like the hours are getting slower. I'm going to try partial this evening, see if I can compress my carotid artery. If I manage to get it right, then I plan to follow it through this weekend or jump from a local bridge.
I'm so sorry you are feeling the way you are and I'm also sorry for ranting about myself. That wasn't my intention. If you ever want to talk, rant, let off steam, my pm is open.

 

[BPD_LE]

I'm in the same boat as you unfortunately. Had appointment today with mental health team, which went in one ear and out of the other. Same questions, 'have you self-harmed? Do you have any plans to take your life? Blah blah blah!!! I just can't bare any of it. I completely get it when you say it feels like the hours are getting slower. I'm going to try partial this evening, see if I can compress my carotid artery. If I manage to get it right, then I plan to follow it through this weekend or jump from a local bridge.
I'm so sorry you are feeling the way you are and I'm also sorry for ranting about myself. That wasn't my intention. If you ever want to talk, rant, let off steam, my pm is open.

Rant away, don't be sorry. I wish I could magic pain away.

 

[justanotherday]

Rant away, don't be sorry. I wish I could magic pain away.

Met with my counselor today and was told she would not work with me anymore if I continue with my negative attitude. She doesn't even know the half of my problems( most of which I cannot help, I was born with, such as ADD, bipolar 2, anxiety and PTSD).

I felt stunned and hurt at first, then mad...

 

[Phoenix1990]

Met with my counselor today and was told she would not work with me anymore if I continue with my negative attitude. She doesn't even know the half of my problems( most of which I cannot help, I was born with, such as ADD, bipolar 2, anxiety and PTSD).

I felt stunned and hurt at first, then mad...

WTF!!! She is a cheeky bitch. Run for the hills and get another therapist because she sounds like a waste of fucking space. I finish therapy tomorrow. My therapist is great, but if she had said to me what that sack of shit said to you today, I would not have returned.

 

[justanotherday]

Yes, you are right.... I will not be going back to see her anymore.