Help struggling with others

[liliths]

i had a lapse in recovery over the past year that led to a failed attempt a few months ago. my relationships with others have fallen apart since then. i dont blame anyone...i was getting better for a while, but i think this really shook a lot of people's hopes and overall faith in my ability to get better. i dont know how to make it up to them when i am still so unwell with no serious chance of recovery in sight (i have no way of attempting again in any capacity so i am trying to be as well as i can without the resources i need if that makes sense). no one is holding anything against me or anything cruel like that, but things are definitely worse than they were. i dont think there's any fixing this...i feel like i would be better off completely alone but idk if that's just my head being weird and mean

 

[Kusogaki]

Deeply sorry that this life is yours is so shitty, I hope for the best recovery from your attempt. I'm assuming you've attempted twice now, do correct me if I'm wrong. Given your situation It's understandable that your family would be surprised. I honestly don't believe that you are obligated to make it up to them. Also if you don't mind What do you mean by you don't think you can "get better", is it physically or mentally?

 

[liliths]

Deeply sorry that this life is yours is so shitty, I hope for the best recovery from your attempt. I'm assuming you've attempted twice now, do correct me if I'm wrong. Given your situation It's understandable that your family would be surprised. I honestly don't believe that you are obligated to make it up to them. Also if you don't mind What do you mean by you don't think you can "get better", is it physically or mentally?

thanks. yeah, that was my first attempt after another one that happened years ago so that added to the surprise for sure. and true, there isnt anything to make up. i just wish things could go back to how they were before.

mentally. im unable to go to therapy or try new medications for my mental health at the moment, so that part of my recovery is stalled indefinitely.

 

[Kusogaki]

Oh I see that's understandable I mean there's really nothing and you have to accept the fact that things are never gonna be the same. Also if you don't mind me asking what was your method that you used? And is the reason for not being able to take meds related to the attempt?

 

[emptyenvelopes]

I hear you and I wish what you said wasn't so relatable. I hate how when people are going through a mental health crisis, there is still this obligation to soften the blow for loved ones and the surrounding community. Like the person in crisis is going through enough, yet they also carry the burden of making sure everyone else is okay? How is that even possible when that person is in a crisis and suffering themselves?? This just burns out the one in crisis so they have less energy to get better.

I'm not saying that watching a loved one or community member suffer isn't taxing. But man, the burden shouldn't be put back on the person in crisis to soother everyone's thoughts when they can barely soothe their own.

With that rant being said, I do not fault you for wanting to be considerate of others feelings. That shows that your essence is good that you are concerned for the people affected by seeing you hurt. But man, I wish those people would validate your pain and give you the support you need to recover. People are quick to help those with a physical ailment but I just wish they were as quick to help those with mental ailments.

 

[Kusogaki]

I hear you and I wish what you said wasn't so relatable. I hate how when people are going through a mental health crisis, there is still this obligation to soften the blow for loved ones and the surrounding community. Like the person in crisis is going through enough, yet they also carry the burden of making sure everyone else is okay? How is that even possible when that person is in a crisis and suffering themselves?? This just burns out the one in crisis so they have less energy to get better.

I'm not saying that watching a loved one or community member suffer isn't taxing. But man, the burden shouldn't be put back on the person in crisis to soother everyone's thoughts when they can barely soothe their own.

With that rant being said, I do not fault you for wanting to be considerate of others feelings. That shows that your essence is good that you are concerned for the people affected by seeing you hurt. But man, I wish those people would validate your pain and give you the support you need to recover. People are quick to help those with a physical ailment but I just wish they were as quick to help those with mental ailments.

Beautifully written .

 

[whywere]

My heart breaks for you. I can so relate to you as far as there are times when everything goes down the toilet and why? I have no idea whatsoever.

One aspect to try and keep in mind is that you are family to me here and I bet to so many others also. When ANYONE hurts here, I hurt, that is what family does and you are such a kind soul.

Recovery can be any length of time. There is no prescribed anything in this life. also with that is the fact that each and every human is the same BUT also different. Like me, I have mental health issues that are truly hereditary. My older brother is 5 foot tall, and I am way over 6 feet.

I have always had a VERY hard time around humans, as far as so many times in personal or business settings, I have had people call me "weird" and then I close my clam shell.

But over time I have learned when I feel like I am distancing myself from others, I put no pressure on myself and relax and then in small steps get back in the game of saying howdy and engaging.

You are such a warm and kind soul, as I reread your thread so many times, as you relate to my situations so much and I picked up just how wonderful you are.

Please try and do not be too hard on yourself, as I care about you deeply and you are wonderfully human with a loving and caring aspect to yourself that is so enduring.

Lots of HUGE hugs and love to you, my great friend.

Walter

 

[liliths]

Oh I see that's understandable I mean there's really nothing and you have to accept the fact that things are never gonna be the same. Also if you don't mind me asking what was your method that you used? And is the reason for not being able to take meds related to the attempt?

yeah, i agree, it's just hard. i'm not comfortable sharing the method if that's okay. meds aren't related fortunately but i did have an attempt with some in the past. needless to say, it wasn't effective.

 

[Kusogaki]

yeah, i agree, it's just hard. i'm not comfortable sharing the method if that's okay. meds aren't related fortunately but i did have an attempt with some in the past. needless to say, it wasn't effective.

well put. i do think it gets complicated when the health issue is caused my self-harm. but ultimately yes. putting the burden on the person suffering is part of the problem. none of us can help how we feel but we need to learn how to react better. that's just part of being human. i wish more people tried to humanize us and understand that healing is complicated.

that's really kind of you to say, thank you. i find it hard to judge them but i am also aware that i am harsh to myself, making any negligence on their part appear reasonable. thank you again for the clarity.

Oh i see totally okay.

 

[liliths]

I hear you and I wish what you said wasn't so relatable. I hate how when people are going through a mental health crisis, there is still this obligation to soften the blow for loved ones and the surrounding community. Like the person in crisis is going through enough, yet they also carry the burden of making sure everyone else is okay? How is that even possible when that person is in a crisis and suffering themselves?? This just burns out the one in crisis so they have less energy to get better.

I'm not saying that watching a loved one or community member suffer isn't taxing. But man, the burden shouldn't be put back on the person in crisis to soother everyone's thoughts when they can barely soothe their own.

With that rant being said, I do not fault you for wanting to be considerate of others feelings. That shows that your essence is good that you are concerned for the people affected by seeing you hurt. But man, I wish those people would validate your pain and give you the support you need to recover. People are quick to help those with a physical ailment but I just wish they were as quick to help those with mental ailments.

well put. i do think it gets complicated when the health issue is caused my self-harm. but ultimately yes. putting the burden on the person suffering is part of the problem. none of us can help how we feel but we need to learn how to react better. that's just part of being human. i wish more people tried to humanize us and understand that healing is complicated.

that's really kind of you to say, thank you. i find it hard to judge them but i am also aware that i am harsh to myself, making any negligence on their part appear reasonable. thank you again for the clarity.

My heart breaks for you. I can so relate to you as far as there are times when everything goes down the toilet and why? I have no idea whatsoever.

One aspect to try and keep in mind is that you are family to me here and I bet to so many others also. When ANYONE hurts here, I hurt, that is what family does and you are such a kind soul.

Recovery can be any length of time. There is no prescribed anything in this life. also with that is the fact that each and every human is the same BUT also different. Like me, I have mental health issues that are truly hereditary. My older brother is 5 foot tall, and I am way over 6 feet.

I have always had a VERY hard time around humans, as far as so many times in personal or business settings, I have had people call me "weird" and then I close my clam shell.

But over time I have learned when I feel like I am distancing myself from others, I put no pressure on myself and relax and then in small steps get back in the game of saying howdy and engaging.

You are such a warm and kind soul, as I reread your thread so many times, as you relate to my situations so much and I picked up just how wonderful you are.

Please try and do not be too hard on yourself, as I care about you deeply and you are wonderfully human with a loving and caring aspect to yourself that is so enduring.

Lots of HUGE hugs and love to you, my great friend.

Walter

thank you for the words of support walter, your openheartedness is appreciated. i'm sorry you can relate to my struggles but i'm glad you understand yourself enough to have the wisdom and clarity to support others. i hope you extend that same wisdom and clarity to yourself. lots of hugs and love back!

 

[etherealgoddess]

i had a lapse in recovery over the past year that led to a failed attempt a few months ago. my relationships with others have fallen apart since then. i dont blame anyone...i was getting better for a while, but i think this really shook a lot of people's hopes and overall faith in my ability to get better. i dont know how to make it up to them when i am still so unwell with no serious chance of recovery in sight (i have no way of attempting again in any capacity so i am trying to be as well as i can without the resources i need if that makes sense). no one is holding anything against me or anything cruel like that, but things are definitely worse than they were. i dont think there's any fixing this...i feel like i would be better off completely alone but idk if that's just my head being weird and mean

Recovery isn't linear, especially for mental illness. If it were, there wouldn't be so many of us on this site. It is normal to go through lapses. I've been productive for three weeks, but I'm currently going through a depressive episode. However, I see the light at the end of the tunnel. Before, it took me a year. Then I was productive for a little. Then I lapsed for a few months. Then I was productive for a little. Then I lapsed for more months. Then I was productive for a little. And over time, my lapses have slowly gotten shorter and shorter. Took me a long fkn time to be honest. But I'm finally conquering it. I feel like shit but I know I'll be able to get back on my feet tomorrow. I wouldn't have been able to do this years ago. Have patience because you will recover. It's a hell of a ride. But you can survive it.