Venting Struggling lately

[platypusfan]

Hello I'm new here, and honestly I've been lurking for months but I decided I might as well join as things have been getting worse. I have melancholic depression and social phobia, and recently I have been struggling with insomnia, and honestly I feel so stuck. It feels like my brain was built to be miserable, years of therapy and nothing. It just seems logical to kms but there is always something stopping me. I have had these thoughts everyday for years with no guarantee of getting better, but I can never take the final leap. It is annoying, especially recently, everything got worse and I don't understand why. I visited a lot of crisis centers but it feels like a place like this where people don't have automated responses might be better to just get things out that I have always hidden. It is hard posting this in the first place because of my severe social anxiety talking about anything is just so difficult. It makes life unbearable, and I thought I was fixing it with exercise and mediation but it all came crashing down this month with daily panic attacks. And on top of that I am the loneliest I have ever been. I've never talked about something like this before in the public but all other resources haven't been working out so here I am

 

[Worndown]

You might need something to treat anxiety. If you can reduce that, other things will be easier to handle. It is a good place to start.

 

[delusionalgirl]

I'm so sorry. Know this. You aren't alone. We are all here for everyone here. Speak you mind. I've never found a more supportive group.

 

[TheHuman]

I believe that you have tried therapy, and it has failed. That is ok, its not a solution its a band-aid to treat what you can't solve, that is on society to solve since its the system that causing the problem. I believe that you have done all the "solutions" the pro-lifers will say, so I would say you should have the right to ctb. Ultimately its your choice weather you want to exist in this meaningless universe, so do you want to continue suffering or just end it and be at peace?
It's your choice, at the end of the day.

 

[The anhedonic one]

Welcome to the forum. So sorry this dreadful world has brought you here. There are plenty of good people here who will genuinely understand and support you.

 

[MrDarkness]

It's good to talk about how you feel, most people just need to say what's on their mind, welcome to the forums, you will meet very kind people here

 

[blujay21]

Hello and welcome to this community. I also was a lurker for a long time and recently made an account. Ironically, I have found much hope in the large amounts of despair that exist on this forum through some of the people who post here. Personally, I have found that self medicating with weed has significantly helped my mental health. Actually from my point of view, it seems that addiction is a very viable method to combat intense internal feelings of loneliness and depression. I don't advocate for getting yourself addicted to something, but I feel it is a good alternative to ctb

 

[LittleAngel]

I understand you. I have severe social anxiety and joining this forum was my big leap at attempting to conquer it as well. It sucks that it's been getting worse for you, but I hope this forum will help you. I hope things get better, may you find peace at whatever you decide to choose.

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be really tiring and awful what you have to endure, existence is just too cruel, there certainly is far too much unnecessary suffering in existing. But anyway I wish you the best.