BeforeYouFallAsleep
a corpse is talking
- Oct 11, 2023
- 53
I started uni this year as a recovery after my isolation for two years. The last few months were on a constant decline with my mental and keeping up in uni became so hard.
The thing is we only have one subject and one project for 2/3 months and this time I'm in a two-man group. I've grouped with him since the first module/semester and we get along pretty well. He is really talented and basically already knows everything and just wants the bachelor's degree so that he can apply to studios more easily.
This time no one really wanted to group up with him cause of the high standard and quality he already has except for me I guess. And we are studying Game Art/3D Animation.
It is a lot of self-planning and we only have to show up to uni maybe once/twice a week. To get there it's about 3h round trip so I'll try to work from home as much as I can.
I am missing soft deadlines where I should be done with e.g. modeling and feel so bad that he is kind of handicapped with me in his group because all of our assets go on a diorama together and we get graded as a group. I really want to do something and finish my shit for my and his sake. It's just every time I try to do something for uni there is this invisible force that holds me back and I can't even bring myself to start at all. For every day that I do nothing it just gets worse. I hate myself so much that I fuck him over too.
I already voiced my thoughts to him, that I'm not too well mentally and struggling to keep up. He was very sweet and understanding about it <3
He said that he was very glad that we were in a group together and that I should focus on my stuff over the shared one.
Still, I feel like he deserved a better partner and hate that yet another person that I like is affected by my bullshit
The final deadline is the 24 and I still have so much to do. If I fail I really don't know what I would do. It was already such a struggle to find something that interested me even a little bit
The thing is we only have one subject and one project for 2/3 months and this time I'm in a two-man group. I've grouped with him since the first module/semester and we get along pretty well. He is really talented and basically already knows everything and just wants the bachelor's degree so that he can apply to studios more easily.
This time no one really wanted to group up with him cause of the high standard and quality he already has except for me I guess. And we are studying Game Art/3D Animation.
It is a lot of self-planning and we only have to show up to uni maybe once/twice a week. To get there it's about 3h round trip so I'll try to work from home as much as I can.
I am missing soft deadlines where I should be done with e.g. modeling and feel so bad that he is kind of handicapped with me in his group because all of our assets go on a diorama together and we get graded as a group. I really want to do something and finish my shit for my and his sake. It's just every time I try to do something for uni there is this invisible force that holds me back and I can't even bring myself to start at all. For every day that I do nothing it just gets worse. I hate myself so much that I fuck him over too.
I already voiced my thoughts to him, that I'm not too well mentally and struggling to keep up. He was very sweet and understanding about it <3
He said that he was very glad that we were in a group together and that I should focus on my stuff over the shared one.
Still, I feel like he deserved a better partner and hate that yet another person that I like is affected by my bullshit
The final deadline is the 24 and I still have so much to do. If I fail I really don't know what I would do. It was already such a struggle to find something that interested me even a little bit