Story Strange friendships

[A_quietboi]

It's quite strange how to your friends, whom you've known for decades, you're a nobody; and to strangers you are someone to be cared about.

If this is what happens when people get to know me, then maybe I am actually a POS. I don't know anymore, I'm probably overreacting, but it just....... hurts being given the cold shoulder by your "best buddies" and instead feel warm with strangers. I don't even know what is fake and what is real anymore I just wanna say goodbye, for I've lived a bit too long, if I'm being honest.

Please give me the courage to ctb, please, I don't want this anymore.
My main fear is if God will forgive me, I don't really want to jump from the frying pan into the oven. I'm pretty sure no one would care, and I just can't get a hold of NaNO2 (faaaar too expensive here as it's regulated, and you need licenses to purchase laboratory grade chemicals)

 

[TabooMushroom2]

In case you want to try another attempt at friendship, I'll offer myself. If you want to find good friends, you have to try to meet more strangers, it's very hard because there is little chance that you will find someone good for you. You have to keep trying to find friends, if there is something else that keeps you here in this world, and if there is nothing that keeps you here, like relatives who would be very sorry to lose you and you wouldn't want to hurt them ( my case ) and you could try CTB without indiscretion, then I guess CTB is much better.