Strange feelings

[Varstraben]

I'm a newcomer on this forum, since every days I read final messages from other people, read they feelings, how people react, and sometime I respond too.

But there is something strange now, when I'm reading comments, posts and other things like that, I'm feeling sad. But Not because the author will leave the life adventure, because I understand the choice, I understand what he feel now and why there are no reasons to blame him.

For lot of people, it's normal, but I have some trouble with that, because it's been more than 15 years since I don't feel anything.
I'm diagnosed alexithymia (i'm not sure that is the real translation, but in my language that mean I can't feel empathy, and I don't feel others emotions like as I should), so that mean I'm feeling a strange sensation that I think is sadness, but I can't be sure because I don't remember ever feeling that.

All of this to say thanks, thanks for this forum to exist, I don't know why I'm feeling this only in a pro choice forum who talking about real suicide.
It won't turn me away from suicidal things, there are lot of other reasons for me to consider this choice, but now I can say that I felt at least once a real emotion at least one time in this last 15 years, that not only a definition in the dictionary.

 

[ssaaahmo]

Hi! welcome to the forum
we'll be here to listen if you ever need anything

 

[madbananas]

Welcome to the forum!
also, I'd never heard of that diagnosis up until now. I'd be interested to know how it has affected your life

 

[Varstraben]

Welcome to the forum!
also, I'd never heard of that diagnosis up until now. I'd be interested to know how it has affected your life

For myself I think it's not something that bad, I mean it's just like to be a mere movie spectator when the movie is just boring.

Sometimes it's a good thing, because I never cried at a funeral, when I can see people crying or be devastated, I just don't react and start the next day like nothing,
sometimes it's not because I can't feel love for someone, when someone love me I don't understand why so I don't react, so every time they say I'm an heartless monster.

It's just complicated in public, when someone told me something that I should react using empathy, I have to simulate it because I don't feel it, so I had to take some theater lessons when I was young.

The problem here that I only have the basic form of it, so that mean I still get anxiety, bad memory flash, regreats and all these things. Advenced forms are used to describe the sociopath and psychopath, people affected with these form don't feel regret or fear, if they do something bad, they simply ignore it and considere other people as a simple throwable object.
It's not my case, so I can regret things and fall in depression, and I don't treat people like objects.

 

[Myforevercharlie]

Welcome. Not everyone here wants to die. Im one of the few who are staying behind :)