wayn
orange cats are so cute
- Oct 3, 2024
- 39
I think I will do it in early November, like I'm 65% sure. I'm currently 21 and I have suicide idealization since 14. I had a ,,friend" who I did liked but he's dead since more than 2yrs ago.
I was tested gifted multiple times (130+)
and my mom also was. I got diagnosed with adhd.
I'm probably has other things aswell.
To be honest basically I have no one since many years ago. My mom can be very cold like she tryna act nice but I don't feel like it's real. She got diagnosed with sociopathy back then, but I think they messed it up, but I'm not sure. I know she cares but yeah hard to explain.
So yeah I also has a girlfriend since more than 2 years ago, and I care for her, and doesn't wanna hurt her because I'm also in love with her. So what I'm doing is I'm acting like an asshole so she gonna love me less? Idk if it's working or not, but since she is not talking with me a lot, I feel like she cares less about me and I would CTB much easily bcuz of this.
I'm kinda not interested in anything, it's so fvcking hard to wake up nowadays...
In the last 5 years all I did is only playing stupid games on my PC cuz basically it was the only thing that helped my adhd I guess? But now I don't even found them interesting anymore. And I wanted to be a youtuber/streamer aswell but I just could not care less to actually doing it because my depression. Actually I did managed to make a few sucessful yt channels but they did fell off since after a few months because I didn't even bother to continue the grind.
I'm also did modelling at some point but it was boring and barelly paid anything so I left.
Also I can be very frustrated sometimes for basically no reason and I hate it, it's can be so hard to control.
Anyway for a lot of reasons I can't do this anymore and I know I'm always be like this probably, so I just wanna leave.. Sometimes I feel very sad and then it's hard to imagine doing actually CTB. Sometimes I cry like 20x a day, sometimes I don't do it for months because I'm being numb. That's how I feel at this moment aswell, and when I'm numb then I'm obviously not really sad, and the good thing about this is I could very easily CTB while I'm being like that.
Thanks for anyone who read all of this, much love. ♡
I was tested gifted multiple times (130+)
and my mom also was. I got diagnosed with adhd.
I'm probably has other things aswell.
To be honest basically I have no one since many years ago. My mom can be very cold like she tryna act nice but I don't feel like it's real. She got diagnosed with sociopathy back then, but I think they messed it up, but I'm not sure. I know she cares but yeah hard to explain.
So yeah I also has a girlfriend since more than 2 years ago, and I care for her, and doesn't wanna hurt her because I'm also in love with her. So what I'm doing is I'm acting like an asshole so she gonna love me less? Idk if it's working or not, but since she is not talking with me a lot, I feel like she cares less about me and I would CTB much easily bcuz of this.
I'm kinda not interested in anything, it's so fvcking hard to wake up nowadays...
In the last 5 years all I did is only playing stupid games on my PC cuz basically it was the only thing that helped my adhd I guess? But now I don't even found them interesting anymore. And I wanted to be a youtuber/streamer aswell but I just could not care less to actually doing it because my depression. Actually I did managed to make a few sucessful yt channels but they did fell off since after a few months because I didn't even bother to continue the grind.
I'm also did modelling at some point but it was boring and barelly paid anything so I left.
Also I can be very frustrated sometimes for basically no reason and I hate it, it's can be so hard to control.
Anyway for a lot of reasons I can't do this anymore and I know I'm always be like this probably, so I just wanna leave.. Sometimes I feel very sad and then it's hard to imagine doing actually CTB. Sometimes I cry like 20x a day, sometimes I don't do it for months because I'm being numb. That's how I feel at this moment aswell, and when I'm numb then I'm obviously not really sad, and the good thing about this is I could very easily CTB while I'm being like that.
Thanks for anyone who read all of this, much love. ♡
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