Stop telling me other people have it worse

[dust-in-the-wind]

DEAR people in my life that supposedly care: I know many people have it worse than me but the difference is they don't have major depressive disorder and still want to live thru their sufferings when I would rather be dead. Saying this to me makes me feel even worse and pushes me one step closer to the edge.

 

[TANETS]

"other people are suffering too, this will totally make u feel better" worst thing u could ever tell a depressed person. why should i be happy that people have it worse than me?

 

[pariah80]

 

[LostLily]

There will always be somone who has it worse. So what! I'm still entitled to my own feelings because I have my own battles and trouble to fight against

 

[JoysoftheEmptiness]

Stop people blurt things out without thinking, or knowing what being ill is like. I have BPD/EUPD and unless someone has it, they don't know what its like. Hoping you are ok

 

[Worndown]

Sadly someone always had it worse.
They might have been trying to give you hope. Not a great attempt.
They forget we can only handle so much then we break.

 

[ThisIsNotAPipe]

They're pieces of shit and don't know what the fuck they're talking about. We're suffering here from defective brains and utterly miserable life circumstances. Who gives a rat's ass that someone in North Korea has a shittier life than we do. Or in Uganda. Or in the South Side of fucking Chicago. I'm not them. I"m the one trapped in this dysfunctional head of mine that will never go away. And it sounds like the same is true of you as well. Tell them to fuck off honestly. If you're not going to be around anyway, who cares what they think. Let them delude themselves into thinking they're telling some bits of toxic positivity bullshit wisdom. You are entitled to your misery. And for the record, if they knew what you felt like day in and day out, they'd know how irrelevant it is that someone somewhere has it worse.

 

[ScaredOfMachines]

What do people who say this think that this will accomplish, anyway? Do they think all of us suicidal people are going to gather together, figure out who truly has the worst life, and decide to allow them and only them to CTB?

 

[Forever Sleep]

I don't understand this approach either. Like yeah thanks for giving me guilt/ shame to contend with as well. It doesn't tend to work on me regardless. It's like- fine- I'll pity them also then but it still doesn't solve my problems.

One of these days, I'm going to go pop when my Dad does it again. It usually turns into a contest on how he had or has it worse. One day, I don't think I'm going to be able to hold back anymore. As in- so- you'd worked out life was shit- right? So- why did you think it was a good idea to have children?!! Sorry- but if things truly were as bad as you seem to claim, why on earth would you or anyone else do that?

 

[Valhala]

Those words are absolutely meaningless and counterproductive, everyone has their own threshold of tolerance for pain and difficulties, something that one person easily overcomes can be a life problem for another. It's all completely individual.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Statements like that are so annoying because I don't understand how they expect us to be grateful or feel better over that. It's like saying that -5+-500 = 495 when that isn't the case. They aren't being logically consistent at all. Knowing that others has it worse only confirms my view that this world is a shit place to be in instead of affirming that life is beautiful and sacred and whatever. Also, we are all going to die anyways so why should we have to keep on fighting and being resilient and whatever? I think that it should be socially acceptable to give up and say that you don't want to fight anymore instead of being forced to fight when you don't want to because all of this shit is just a pointless march to the void anyway

 

[dontwakemeup]

I understand people who say this rationale, but it doesn't make it ok. To me saying this to someone, makes them feel their issues aren't "valid", and equivalent to what they proceed is a justifiable reason to feel as you do. It doesn't matter what anyone else is dealing with, all that matters is you're in pain and suffering in some type of way. It's all you, you , you and that should be their focus if they want to help you.

You know people are funny. They want us to open up and when we do try, they simply are quick to throw those stupid phrases to us, dismiss how we feel and try to justify a reason why we are suffering.(the Bible this, oh it's karma, God wants your attention, etc)
If you don't understand us, the best you can do is simply listen and offer words of encouragement or simply ask if there is anything they can do to help.

Don't ever let anyone make you feel your situation isn't validated and how you feels is appropriate. If you take 2 differnt type of situations and try to compare them (which id never do) I can guarantee you, both people feel exactly the same!

I highly advise you tell whoever is saying these things to you that it's hurtful and to stop it! Set your boundaries and that can be one of them. Tell them on your bad days this is what I expect from you. If they continue, then I would stop communicating with them on your bad days. Wish you the best

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

i wouldn't care if i were a billionaire , young , healthy whatever they say constitute a "good" life i would still want to kill these monstrous cells they call a human body i'm imprisoned in and not just for that reason . Even s billionaire can get brain damage and will get very old . if they tell me other people have it worse . i'lll them so what i want to kill myself , why shouldn't i have a right to do what i want to i'm not affecting anyone else , and tell me an objective reason why i have to live another minute , that's it that other people have it worse? you do understand that we all die anyway and we are just cells , chemical reactions, a machine, a small animal, bugs? it's none of your business what i do with my life , like living a while longer will make a difference since we all will die anyway. what will matter in 200 years? in 1000 years? a trillion years? nothing. nothing matters.. nothing matters but avoiding unbearable pain and extreme suffering for me.

i reject this evil world ,evil life , evil imposition and i can't stand existence itself and DNA based life more reasons . i can't stand sentience conscousness. i don't have to give anyone any reason why i want to die now instead of live to 90 and suffer even more in old age then die anyway. i don't have to give anyone a reason for anything i do in my life as long as it doesn't affect anyone else and killing myself will not affect anyone else.

 

[NoPoint2Life]

Statements like that are so annoying because I don't understand how they expect us to be grateful or feel better over that. It's like saying that -5+-500 = 495 when that isn't the case. They aren't being logically consistent at all. Knowing that others has it worse only confirms my view that this world is a shit place to be in instead of affirming that life is beautiful and sacred and whatever. Also, we are all going to die anyways so why should we have to keep on fighting and being resilient and whatever? I think that it should be socially acceptable to give up and say that you don't want to fight anymore instead of being forced to fight when you don't want to because all of this shit is just a pointless march to the void anyway

OK, I know my math skills are horrible but I am freaking out that they are worse than I thought and I'm more stupid than I thought. -5 + 500 isn't 495???

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

OK, I know my math skills are horrible but I am freaking out that they are worse than I thought and I'm more stupid than I thought. -5 + 500 isn't 495???

u read it wrong answer is -505
-5+-500 . it's 2 negative numbers

 

[dontwakemeup]

OK, I know my math skills are horrible but I am freaking out that they are worse than I thought and I'm more stupid than I thought. -5 + 500 isn't 495???

Currently, it's 495 still

 

[NoPoint2Life]

u read it wrong answer is -505
-5+-500 . it's 2 negative numbers

Siri says otherwise

u read it wrong answer is -505
-5+-500 . it's 2 negative numbers

OK, sorry, I see it now. My eyesight is awful. Just another thing for me to freak out about.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

OK, I know my math skills are horrible but I am freaking out that they are worse than I thought and I'm more stupid than I thought. -5 + 500 isn't 495???

Like @pthnrdnojvsc stated, there was a negative sign after the + sign. In maths, if you have a plus and a minus together, the overall result is a minus. You can think of subtraction as just the addition of a negative number. -5+-500 = -5-500 = -505.

I'll admit that I should have clarified that beforehand as it looks out of place otherwise. I used those numbers because "-5" is meant to represent our suffering and pain on the negative scale (5 is just a random number, the main point is the negative sign showing that our pain is... negative and bad). My point with this plus and minus thing is that pro lifers look at other people's suffering in the world and deduce that we should feel grateful for it (i.e. that our -5 units of suffering should now be the addition of the other amounts of suffering that happens in the world because we should be grateful that it doesn't happen to us). Pro lifers say that we should do -5+500 which, yes, does give us 495. However, personally, I think that the suffering that other people go through is a negative rather than a positive hence why I think that we should do -5-500 when talking about the amount of suffering that happens here. Personally, I don't feel grateful that others are suffering worse than me... I feel horrified and sorry for them.

The numbers themselves are random but what I was trying to illustrate was the concept at how other people suffering through worse is a bad thing rather than a good thing because that means that there is more suffering happening on earth (i.e. more negative). Of course this is a heavily abstracted view of suffering and I acknowledge that.

I just don't have it in me to be grateful at seeing others go through worse, I just don't

 

[SilentSadness]

Yes, it's completely pointless to say someone else has it worse. If someone is suffering every day, that isn't reduced by someone else being worse off. Also, different people have different tolerances for pain.

 

[swankysoup]

Well other people can have it better than you too, is that a reason to not feel joy? It's absurd.

 

[over2025]

They say that for one of two reasons:
1) it makes them uncomfortable that you are suffering, and they just want you to feel better without knowing how to do that
2) selfishly, they want to feel better about themselves by thinking that they are helping you feel better as your savior

When it is a close family member, I think it's the first reason.
Strangers or acquaintances fall into the second.

 

[Yume Nikki]

I hate that terminology as well, it downplays our misery and makes us think that our suffering isn't that serious.

 

[Worndown]

It is said by people that have it better.

 

[permanently tired]

Ppl be so dim in the head cuz there cannot be any thoughts percolating in there that would tell someone this is good thing to say to someone who is struggling . The sheer stupidity of ppl is smth.

 

[divinemistress36]

Well said. People who dont have depression can handle lots of challenges thrown at them. Our depressed brain cant. Our reward system in our brains are broken

 

[theater]

People who are normal and don't want to kill themselves KNOW, inherently and through love and nurturing, that they deserve to live.

When this person tells someone who is suicidal that, "someone has it worse", they are simply assuming that YOU KNOW you're inherently good and that you deserve to live. They cannot fathom that others have been taught that they do not deserve to live and that they should kill themselves.

 

[dontwakemeup]

When you're depressed, you're simply no comparison to anyone else's pain or situation. The depressed person can only try to process and phantom what's ahead in their life.

I dislike when someone commits suicide and their "loved" always claim "there were no signs!" I find that very difficult to believe, our silence speaks volumes! Did they not notice us in bed for weeks?

People see what they want to see.
I think another depressed person can clearly see others s/s and sometimes know what not to say. I have a coworker who out the blue wanted to chat and admitted she was suicidal. I let her speak without interrupting (over 45 min) and gave her my number and made set a goal she would call me Monday. (She didn't) Never once did I ever say, "others have it worse than you!" I would never.

 

[unworthy_]

Usually these ppl are invalidating much.
They would compare your life without those at war, etc, etc.

I am me, they are they. Period.
I would cease all communications with them or keep myself quiet.

My heart is open to animals. They are the most innocent creatures on earth. If I were to compare myself with other life beings then nothing compares to poor animals are being raised to be slaughtered. They have no choice. They are in pain and sufferings every single day. My pain is 0 compared to them. I would give my life to them in exchange.

 

[Tuonetar_]

They'll lecture you about all the people in the world who have it worse than you and then proceed to do absolutely nothing alleviate anyone's suffering. They don't give a single flying fuck about starving children in third world countries or modern-day slavery or anything like that, they just want us to shut up and stop having feelings.