Venting Still uncertain as whether I’ll commit suicide or keep myself alive: It’s when I actually end up in China that I’ll truly shit myself

[KleinerWolf]

I pretend as if SN isn't tempting since I made decision to stay alive,
but I'm at a point in life that things are so uncertain and unpleasant that I have no idea wtf is going on in my life lmao.

if I somehow take my SN in New Zealand, or China then it is my fate lol
Although it would be easy way out, I assume.

Fuck, whatever happens happens, small chance of SN suicide remains a possibility.

69% chance live vs 31% SN ctb.
(Is precise estimate how I feel about my coin flip at this moment)

 

[Sakura94]

You should stay until you're like very high 90s sure. (and even then think it over)
I'd like you to stay too

 

[Ghost2211]

Don't let the option stress you. If you want or need it later it will be there. Till then focus on your goals and hang out with is. Your path will be more clear as you go.

 

[Maríasp]

look for motivations, find a partner if you don't have one, travel, studies, work to help people, animals, nature, find new hobbies, being in an animal shelter helped me a lot and I have 3 cats that help me a lot motivates me to continue go ahead, work for them and decorate my house of which I am very proud, I tried to have a partner and I have had many opportunities with wonderful and really attractive men but I am very lazy and I cannot fall in love because I do not see a future with them and You can overcome my depression, although when I've been with them or with friends I never tell my sorrows and I try to be happy, but I think that coexistence is not possible, I could not always be faking happiness and my idea of getting out of the way, if something stops me, it's my cats , my work in the protector and trips, do something that motivates you. your friend, a kiss