Hi Everyone,
Not sure if this should be here or in the recovery section, so here we go. My most recent suicide attempt was a few months back, and I chose to drink antifreeze. Unfortunately it didn't work out so well. I drank quite a bit and felt drunk for a while and went to bed. The next day I felt and acted like I was super intoxicated. I didn't tell any of the hospital staff until nearly 24 hours later after going in and out of consciousness. Looking back, I do regret telling them what I did, but I was getting the feeling that they had an idea of what was going on. After 2 kidney dialysis sessions I was sent to a psychiatric ward for a week. I just played along in order to get out of there as soon as possible. The staff were terrible and I'd rather be dead than go back. Since then I've drank some more and was hospitalized again, but didn't say anything, so I spent a week in the hospital on antibiotics for a non existent infection.
At this point, I was looking for happiness if it even exists. I was diagnosed with depression nearly a decade ago. Some days and weeks are live-able, some are living hell. I've never had a girlfriend or a close meaningful relationship, everyday is lonely, sad and miserable. Sure it's my own fault, and I feel I wasn't meant to be here on this earth. It's obvious that I need a solid plan so I don't end up in the hospital alive. I don't have any urges right now, but I'd feel more at peace with myself if I did. I did obtain a "2lb Sodium Nitrite Food Grade 99+% Pure Granular Free Flowing Food Processing & Manufacturing". I'm tempted to try it after my dog passes (she's been suffering from health issues, and I'm certain her death will put me over the edge) I only have Ondansetron for nausea. How would I convince my psychiatrist or GI doctor to prescribe anything else? Sorry if this whole thing comes across as a rumbling/mumbling rant.
Not sure if this should be here or in the recovery section, so here we go. My most recent suicide attempt was a few months back, and I chose to drink antifreeze. Unfortunately it didn't work out so well. I drank quite a bit and felt drunk for a while and went to bed. The next day I felt and acted like I was super intoxicated. I didn't tell any of the hospital staff until nearly 24 hours later after going in and out of consciousness. Looking back, I do regret telling them what I did, but I was getting the feeling that they had an idea of what was going on. After 2 kidney dialysis sessions I was sent to a psychiatric ward for a week. I just played along in order to get out of there as soon as possible. The staff were terrible and I'd rather be dead than go back. Since then I've drank some more and was hospitalized again, but didn't say anything, so I spent a week in the hospital on antibiotics for a non existent infection.
At this point, I was looking for happiness if it even exists. I was diagnosed with depression nearly a decade ago. Some days and weeks are live-able, some are living hell. I've never had a girlfriend or a close meaningful relationship, everyday is lonely, sad and miserable. Sure it's my own fault, and I feel I wasn't meant to be here on this earth. It's obvious that I need a solid plan so I don't end up in the hospital alive. I don't have any urges right now, but I'd feel more at peace with myself if I did. I did obtain a "2lb Sodium Nitrite Food Grade 99+% Pure Granular Free Flowing Food Processing & Manufacturing". I'm tempted to try it after my dog passes (she's been suffering from health issues, and I'm certain her death will put me over the edge) I only have Ondansetron for nausea. How would I convince my psychiatrist or GI doctor to prescribe anything else? Sorry if this whole thing comes across as a rumbling/mumbling rant.
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