Venting Still hanging on to my shitty life

[Mort]

Well early hours this morning i spent an hour sitting in empty bath with a razor blade push up agents my femoral artery in my leg. And i could not bring myself to cut it despite all the shit i sm going through all more pain than ever before painkillers are losing their edge. Have not slept properly for months i am lucky if i get 5 to 10 hours a week my hearing is shot to hell my eyesight is mess up . And i still keep on living what the hell that about? Part of me still thinks they sum better just round the corner bin round so many corners now all most goi g up my own backside:( . What is it going to take to get in my thick head that i am better off dead nothing going to get better. And fuck it i am not going to end up in a wheelchair pissing and shitting myself no way . Just keep trying and keep falling dont know what the hell to do now :( by the way sorry for the bad language but i am just so piss of . Well sado here going call time on killing me self this weekend never know sum mite happen to push me over the edge fingers crossed:D tats for now

 

[TimeToDie]

That seems to be a common theme around here. Needing to CTB due to substantial problems that have no solution other than death, yet being unable to take action due to total terror. I'm facing the same thing. March 4th is the last time I was able to sleep. Since then it's been laying in bed awake with only very short periods of light sleep (nothing deep & refreshing). Sleep use to be my favorite part of the day, allowing me to escape from the world for 8 or 9 hours.

I've tried every sleep aid that I can get over the years, but nothing works. Saphris, the one med that did work for sleep -- for 6 years -- I had to stop because it cause extra pyramidal side effects. EPS have my entire body twitching such that I've been blinking at a ridiculous rate since January and my hands tremble so much that I can't write, and pretty much my entire body twitches.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Well early hours this morning i spent an hour sitting in empty bath with a razor blade push up agents my femoral artery in my leg. And i could not bring myself to cut it despite all the shit i sm going through all more pain than ever before painkillers are losing their edge. Have not slept properly for months i am lucky if i get 5 to 10 hours a week my hearing is shot to hell my eyesight is mess up . And i still keep on living what the hell that about? Part of me still thinks they sum better just round the corner bin round so many corners now all most goi g up my own backside:( . What is it going to take to get in my thick head that i am better off dead nothing going to get better. And fuck it i am not going to end up in a wheelchair pissing and shitting myself no way . Just keep trying and keep falling dont know what the hell to do now :( by the way sorry for the bad language but i am just so piss of . Well sado here going call time on killing me self this weekend never know sum mite happen to push me over the edge fingers crossed:D tats for now

Sorry for your pain & misery. I have trouble sleeping but not that bad. At least not yet. I hope you find peace. I know a hug emoji won't help but it's all I can do.

That seems to be a common theme around here. Needing to CTB due to substantial problems that have no solution other than death, yet being unable to take action due to total terror. I'm facing the same thing. March 4th is the last time I was able to sleep. Since then it's been laying in bed awake with only very short periods of light sleep (nothing deep & refreshing). Sleep use to be my favorite part of the day, allowing me to escape from the world for 8 or 9 hours.

I've tried every sleep aid that I can get over the years, but nothing works. Saphris, the one med that did work for sleep -- for 6 years -- I had to stop because it cause extra pyramidal side effects. EPS have my entire body twitching such that I've been blinking at a ridiculous rate since January and my hands tremble so much that I can't write, and pretty much my entire body twitches.

I agree sleep is the only good thing about the day. Sometimes I'm in and out of sleep all night or just awake for hours... just barely getting to sleep before the alarm goes off for work. Again … not as bad as you have it but I am sorry for your situation.

 

[dandan]

im so sorry you are going through with that, not being able to sleep damm..... what a nightmare.... .sure, I wouldnt like living in a wheelchair, shitting myself.. no way....
and however, you still hanging ......

 

[justanotherday]

That seems to be a common theme around here. Needing to CTB due to substantial problems that have no solution other than death, yet being unable to take action due to total terror. I'm facing the same thing. March 4th is the last time I was able to sleep. Since then it's been laying in bed awake with only very short periods of light sleep (nothing deep & refreshing). Sleep use to be my favorite part of the day, allowing me to escape from the world for 8 or 9 hours.

I've tried every sleep aid that I can get over the years, but nothing works. Saphris, the one med that did work for sleep -- for 6 years -- I had to stop because it cause extra pyramidal side effects. EPS have my entire body twitching such that I've been blinking at a ridiculous rate since January and my hands tremble so much that I can't write, and pretty much my entire body twitches.

I cannot sleep either and it has been going on a few years now. I have tried different meds and over the counter... everything... and nothing will knock me out. I am going to a sleep specialist in September.

 

[Lennox]

I'm sorry for what you are going through, I really hope things improve for you somehow.
But, regarding methods, are you sure that cutting arteries (specially the femoral which runs deep and is difficult to spot) is your preferred way? I'm suicidal and I would only go with that if it was my absolutely only option. There are plenty of other painless and quick methods discussed in this forum.

 

[Mort]

I'm sorry for what you are going through, I really hope things improve for you somehow.
But, regarding methods, are you sure that cutting arteries (specially the femoral which runs deep and is difficult to spot) is your preferred way? I'm suicidal and I would only go with that if it was my absolutely only option. There are plenty of other painless and quick methods discussed in this forum.

It was what i had to hand at the time any way want to feel pain its about all i feel these days. All my other emotions are dead and buried they nothing left no longer sad happy cant fall in love they just nothing

 

[justanotherday]

That seems to be a common theme around here. Needing to CTB due to substantial problems that have no solution other than death, yet being unable to take action due to total terror. I'm facing the same thing. March 4th is the last time I was able to sleep. Since then it's been laying in bed awake with only very short periods of light sleep (nothing deep & refreshing). Sleep use to be my favorite part of the day, allowing me to escape from the world for 8 or 9 hours.

I've tried every sleep aid that I can get over the years, but nothing works. Saphris, the one med that did work for sleep -- for 6 years -- I had to stop because it cause extra pyramidal side effects. EPS have my entire body twitching such that I've been blinking at a ridiculous rate since January and my hands tremble so much that I can't write, and pretty much my entire body twitches.

I have similar sleep trouble and have tried just about everything too. My last hope is that I am scheduled to see a sleep specialist next month.