Giraffey
Your Orange Crush
- Mar 7, 2020
- 439
I'm sure many will have baulked at the title and began rehearsing the usual cautionary speech about how starvation is a protracted and painful method but rest assured, this is not a post about starvation as a suicide method.
As those who recognise my name from past threads will know, my adult life hasn't exactly worked out well. I've spoken at length in other threads about the grief of losing my daughter; physical, emotional and sexual abuse at the hands of my ex-partner; the ineffable pain of breaking up with my soul-mate and subsequently struggling to set boundaries in what little remained of our friendship; I don't intend to regurgitate any of that here.
Needless to say, I felt as though I was beginning to recover, to some extent. Although the circumstances of my life will never be such as to render me happy, I felt as though I had found a way to cope. It is with much regret then, that my recovery has recently fallen to pieces and now I find myself at rock bottom, staring down upon the parting cracks splitting the rock beneath me to expose even lower depths to plummet.
The circumstances are not currently apt for me to end my life in any sensible fashion, and so I have therefore made the decision that I must do something drastic in a passionate cri de coeur, to bring attention to my plight as a forgotten male victim of domestic abuse, and perhaps induce a positive change in my life. I've previously spoken about going on a hunger strike with the intention of protest and the benefit of being comfortable with the notion of death should it reach that stage.
I know, it will be dreadfully painful, but I have prepared myself for the most unpleasant stage at which one becomes terribly sick, should I reach it. I am passionate and disciplined enough to see this through to the bitter end if necessary although hopeful that I will find a reason not to do so along the way. I know this is a bizarre way of approaching recovery, but it is one to which I have devoted as much thought over the previous months as I have to the suicidal option.
As of midnight UTC today (before I made this post) I have begun refusing food, although I will continue to consume fluids as normal. I'm going to try and post, on a weekly basis at first but perhaps daily once the fast becomes more advanced to the point it may be of wider interest. I'm not looking for anyone to attempt to talk me out of this or cast aspersions as to my intent to pursue this beyond the point at which it is unbearable, I've spent time mentally preparing for this and I have psychological techniques that I will be able to employ if necessary to control some of the more unpleasant symptoms.
Anyway, I'm rambling now. Sorry. Sometimes I guess that you just need to vent, and it's nice to 'formally' mark the beginning of this new and somewhat extreme chapter of my life.
As those who recognise my name from past threads will know, my adult life hasn't exactly worked out well. I've spoken at length in other threads about the grief of losing my daughter; physical, emotional and sexual abuse at the hands of my ex-partner; the ineffable pain of breaking up with my soul-mate and subsequently struggling to set boundaries in what little remained of our friendship; I don't intend to regurgitate any of that here.
Needless to say, I felt as though I was beginning to recover, to some extent. Although the circumstances of my life will never be such as to render me happy, I felt as though I had found a way to cope. It is with much regret then, that my recovery has recently fallen to pieces and now I find myself at rock bottom, staring down upon the parting cracks splitting the rock beneath me to expose even lower depths to plummet.
The circumstances are not currently apt for me to end my life in any sensible fashion, and so I have therefore made the decision that I must do something drastic in a passionate cri de coeur, to bring attention to my plight as a forgotten male victim of domestic abuse, and perhaps induce a positive change in my life. I've previously spoken about going on a hunger strike with the intention of protest and the benefit of being comfortable with the notion of death should it reach that stage.
I know, it will be dreadfully painful, but I have prepared myself for the most unpleasant stage at which one becomes terribly sick, should I reach it. I am passionate and disciplined enough to see this through to the bitter end if necessary although hopeful that I will find a reason not to do so along the way. I know this is a bizarre way of approaching recovery, but it is one to which I have devoted as much thought over the previous months as I have to the suicidal option.
As of midnight UTC today (before I made this post) I have begun refusing food, although I will continue to consume fluids as normal. I'm going to try and post, on a weekly basis at first but perhaps daily once the fast becomes more advanced to the point it may be of wider interest. I'm not looking for anyone to attempt to talk me out of this or cast aspersions as to my intent to pursue this beyond the point at which it is unbearable, I've spent time mentally preparing for this and I have psychological techniques that I will be able to employ if necessary to control some of the more unpleasant symptoms.
Anyway, I'm rambling now. Sorry. Sometimes I guess that you just need to vent, and it's nice to 'formally' mark the beginning of this new and somewhat extreme chapter of my life.
