Starting to Lose Functionality

[AresCohere]

My conditons are becoming increasingly more visible and I am not sure how much longer I can hide it. I am constantly checking around me for, to everyone else, seems like no reason. My speech is becoming more and more messed up, and i keep having less and less energy. I spend, when I can, up to 20 hours or more in bed a day. I leep running laye to things, feeling sleepy in front of people, my hair is getting messier, everything is obviously going wrong, but my decent is now physically visible. I am unsure how much longer I can hide it, if it is even worth going on that is. As I start a job soon and finals are around the corner, my end may be sooner than I expected.

I keep having more and more frequent auditory hallucinations, common and stronger panic attacks, and episodes occur on nearly half of nights. Every time in a position where a method, such as jumping, is possible, I have a very, very strong urge to do it, as if im losing control of my mind. Speaking of losing control, it feels like sometimes I lack control over my physicsl body too, with my concious mind seemingly making two choices at once and unable to do anything, or random flinching from seeminly nothing.

I don't know what to do. I'm scared. Scared of myself, scared of the world, in constant fear of my actions or of being sent to a ward. I never feel truely safe…

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds really awful what you are going through, it's such a hellish world we exist in where existing can very easily get much more unbearable, there really is no relief from suffering as long as one exists here. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[Jezzibell]

You are living a nightmare and I'm so sorry. You don't mention the actual conditions. Are they reversible? Are you medicated?

 

[Letgo]

I am sorry about what your going through. You will be thought of. Can you take something bgg to reduce the anxiety?