Starting the planning/details.

[Busridin'26]

I needa start finalizing the details of my death and I can't lie I am putting it off bc to do so I need take my ADHD meds and they make it harder to nap during the day.. & tbh it really makes it so my brain is very "on" so to speak so relaxing can be a bit harder depending on what my mental state is.

I guess I just wanted to sleep for awhile but tbh I did that last week and I'm bored now. I think its def my time sooo listing here some steps.

Guitar price research
Writing a final note
Finding nitrogen sources for Canada.
SN source final research.
Buying/how to purchase both methods research & planning
CTB extensive research of how to execute method.
CTB execution planning/writing down steps

Noneof these are in order but it's time to start. Which means taking my meds..


Im not sleeping anyway and like I said very bored today honestly... Think I wanted to like relax for awhile/a long enough time but eh... being bored isnt relaxing to me its just aimless and makes me wanna die sooner.

Sooo yeee time to get it together very unmotivated but like I said haven't been taking my stimulant medication so even tho im very motivated to die I'm not naturally filled with motivation or the ability to do what I want.

So glad I was able to get treatment for ADHD. I remember how hellish my days were before it. Wanting to do things but not being able to is awful.

Anyway its like 1pm here tho so I might start tmrw like earlier. Meds can last longer depending on the day. Sometimes 6hrs sometimes 12hrs.

Gotta plan my planning so to speak?

I have 1 more worker to get off my back & I think I'm gonna cancel tmrw's therapy session bc what else is there to say??

Tmrw Ima start for sure. Take my meds right when I wake up and get some shit done.












The minute after I wrote this I started to feel really sleepy. Needa clean, do laundry, need that organization to get back to me about my pay cheque. There is sooo much to do so my brain being "on" jus kinda stresses me out rn. But anyway today is a nap, eat, keep calling organization until they get back to me (I just called once today and no answer & I hate leaving voice messages but I might have to). Plan my planning & try not to stress too much. Need more money for more cannabis products tho :/ but have enough for rn. Anyway nap time

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish you the best with your plans.

 

[MrDarkness]

If you find a sn source in Canada or that ships to Canada could you send me a link, I just need to have some sn for when life has really hit rock bottom for me

 

[just_so_done]

I can really relate to you. I have so much planning for to ctb but im just so exhausted and the idea of taking my adhd meds is tiring because i go allllll day without stopping. I find it gets to be too much and cant take a break. so like you i want to ctb but hard when you dont have the motivation or energy.