Help Starting at rock bottom, is it possible?

[cowbain]

I know living with my parents is going to end up with me being dead anyways. I've never been safe here. I've lost everything I could've had because of them, the opportunity to go to college, my mind, what little bit of freedom I had. I'm now totally dependent on them like, they wouldn't even teach me how to drive that's how isolating they are. I had my first job a year ago but had to quit because my dad would purposefully do shit to fuck with me before work. I know I'll never improve here. I've been stuck inside for 3 years and I don't have any friends or any relationships outside of my family. At this point I have nothing to lose. I'm thinking of just leaving. I have no idea where I'll go, I guess I'll figure it out along the way, but I just can't keep going on like this.

But I also know the outside world is cruel. Life won't magically improve once I'm away from my parents. I've been suicidal since I was 13, I've always been anxious, depressed since 12, I have a shit load of mental issues and trauma that makes me feel hopeless and like an alien. I remember being 16 and lurking on here to view the partial suspension thread. I kinda wish I would've just did it then. I'm 18 now and it's not that I want to necessarily die, I do want to live, I want to see my situation improve and to know what it's like to be happy... I just don't think it's possible for someone like me anymore.

If anyone has been in a similar situation please tell me your thoughts: Were you able to get out of your situation? How? Was it worth it? Do you regret not just killing yourself while you were younger or are you happy that you tried to make the best out of the cards you were dealt and lived to be older? Is there anything important to you that you would've missed out on later if you had killed yourself?

 

[Brick In The Wall]

I know living with my parents is going to end up with me being dead anyways. I've never been safe here. I've lost everything I could've had because of them, the opportunity to go to college, my mind, what little bit of freedom I had. I'm now totally dependent on them like, they wouldn't even teach me how to drive that's how isolating they are. I had my first job a year ago but had to quit because my dad would purposefully do shit to fuck with me before work. I know I'll never improve here. I've been stuck inside for 3 years and I don't have any friends or any relationships outside of my family. At this point I have nothing to lose. I'm thinking of just leaving. I have no idea where I'll go, I guess I'll figure it out along the way, but I just can't keep going on like this.

But I also know the outside world is cruel. Life won't magically improve once I'm away from my parents. I've been suicidal since I was 13, I've always been anxious, depressed since 12, I have a shit load of mental issues and trauma that makes me feel hopeless and like an alien. I remember being 16 and lurking on here to view the partial suspension thread. I kinda wish I would've just did it then. I'm 18 now and it's not that I want to necessarily die, I do want to live, I want to see my situation improve and to know what it's like to be happy... I just don't think it's possible for someone like me anymore.

If anyone has been in a similar situation please tell me your thoughts: Were you able to get out of your situation? How? Was it worth it? Do you regret not just killing yourself while you were younger or are you happy that you tried to make the best out of the cards you were dealt and lived to be older? Is there anything important to you that you would've missed out on later if you had killed yourself?

It's not going to be easy and chances are you'll battle this demon for most of your life. But it can be done.

I've been suicidal for atleast half of my life now, but I'm glad I pushed through this long atleast. I would've missed alot of happy moments like the birth of my two boys.

Your young and I hate to use the old cliche but your life is just beginning really. Alot can and will change for you in the coming years if you decide to stick around.

I wish you all the best with whatever you decide. We're here for you either way

 

[cowbain]

It's not going to be easy and chances are you'll battle this demon for most of your life. But it can be done.

I've been suicidal for atleast half of my life now, but I'm glad I pushed through this long atleast. I would've missed alot of happy moments like the birth of my two boys.

Your young and I hate to use the old cliche but your life is just beginning really. Alot can and will change for you in the coming years if you decide to stick around.

I wish you all the best with whatever you decide. We're here for you either way

I guess I just have to actually start going outside my house again if I want things to change. Kinda hard with my parents and this new 'covid' thing tho. What worries me is that I'm young but I already feel old. I don't event want kids anymore. Everything just seems so bleak. I'm glad you were able to make it this far. Ty for the support.

 

[ssaaahmo]

my parents aren't as bad as yours, though they're still emotionally unstable and mentally ill and dysfunctional
i haven't moved out either but i'm trying to get a plan to
i am sending hugs and good thoughts your way

 

[sufferingalways]

I know living with my parents is going to end up with me being dead anyways. I've never been safe here. I've lost everything I could've had because of them, the opportunity to go to college, my mind, what little bit of freedom I had. I'm now totally dependent on them like, they wouldn't even teach me how to drive that's how isolating they are. I had my first job a year ago but had to quit because my dad would purposefully do shit to fuck with me before work. I know I'll never improve here. I've been stuck inside for 3 years and I don't have any friends or any relationships outside of my family. At this point I have nothing to lose. I'm thinking of just leaving. I have no idea where I'll go, I guess I'll figure it out along the way, but I just can't keep going on like this.

But I also know the outside world is cruel. Life won't magically improve once I'm away from my parents. I've been suicidal since I was 13, I've always been anxious, depressed since 12, I have a shit load of mental issues and trauma that makes me feel hopeless and like an alien. I remember being 16 and lurking on here to view the partial suspension thread. I kinda wish I would've just did it then. I'm 18 now and it's not that I want to necessarily die, I do want to live, I want to see my situation improve and to know what it's like to be happy... I just don't think it's possible for someone like me anymore.

If anyone has been in a similar situation please tell me your thoughts: Were you able to get out of your situation? How? Was it worth it? Do you regret not just killing yourself while you were younger or are you happy that you tried to make the best out of the cards you were dealt and lived to be older? Is there anything important to you that you would've missed out on later if you had killed yourself?

Hi I now know that my parents are / were narcissistic bastards (Ive cut ties, they are history) and i did feel held back for years by the crappy old line "you're safer here with us" and I somehow met a friend who literally rescued me from that hell. This shit has given me nightmares over the years and sadly again since more abuse by others.. (long story) but somehow i have this "you won't beat me down, fuckres" streak in me. I write powerful poems about some hard shit ive lived through and what's happening now, but i wish lock down will end soon so i can solve it with a letter somewhere (sadly a completely about a service), this letter has been edited a few times, but my struggles have made me grow and i dont take any shit when services let me down/ or have discriminated against me.

Regards your situation It will take time but you will gain a "take no shit" streak somewhere along the line. To give you a perspective I wasn't sure what direction if any I wanted to go in regards work, but now I am able to, go between film making, making a book into a film screenplay, write a book (yet to be published but it will get there), and im leaving the door open for law related avenues as I study that in between neuroscience (brain function and psychology mixed) and app development (when im sleeping again that is)

Law - (there's the abused child looking out for others as an adult).