Venting Starting a new job tomorrow and I feel like my life's over

[FadeOut]

I'm starting my first real job tomorrow. It seems like quite an alright job, but spending 8+ hours a day working... Seems like it will become my life. Cause after work there will always be something to do: cooking dinner, cleaning the house, doing laundry, grocery shopping etc etc. With my OCD, simple things like taking a shower can take hours.

I feel like my life's over at this point. I haven't been happy for some time now, I'm tired and done, but getting a full time job might be the nail in my coffin.

Growing up, I was looking forward to going to university, enjoying interesting classes, living on campus, making friends for life there, traveling, meeting my soulmate, then getting married and having a fulfilling job. All that turned out to be shit. I don't want children, so I have nothing to look forward to anymore.

I have people who love me. That's probably why I have my ups and I tell myself that it won't be that bad. If CTB was easy, I would do it. Maybe.

 

[MidnightDream]

I feel the same way - All feels pretty bleak doesn't it? People say it's about finding joy in the small moments, but I don't feel like it should have to be. Why is it so difficult to just be happy.

Do you have to work full time? Is part time an option? Maybe with the money you earn you can plan things like traveling etc, might make it more appealing if you feel like you're working towards something? Idk. It's all a bit bleak really.

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

I'm starting my first real job tomorrow. It seems like quite an alright job, but spending 8+ hours a day working... Seems like it will become my life. Cause after work there will always be something to do: cooking dinner, cleaning the house, doing laundry, grocery shopping etc etc. With my OCD, simple things like taking a shower can take hours.

I feel like my life's over at this point. I haven't been happy for some time now, I'm tired and done, but getting a full time job might be the nail in my coffin.

Growing up, I was looking forward to going to university, enjoying interesting classes, living on campus, making friends for life there, traveling, meeting my soulmate, then getting married and having a fulfilling job. All that turned out to be shit. I don't want children, so I have nothing to look forward to anymore.

I have people who love me. That's probably why I have my ups and I tell myself that it won't be that bad. If CTB was easy, I would do it. Maybe.

I'm in exactly the same position as you, except that this is not my first job and that I quit the last one. I start tomorrow in a new one and I'm nervous because I haven't had a routine for a long time and I'm afraid I won't be able to handle the responsibility but, on the other hand, I think it will be good for me because I don't do anything 24/7, and despite our state of mind, it's really the worst thing we can do. It's too much time to think and to do shit. So having something to occupy our minds with will be good. I think we have to live one day at a time and wait for the best.

Regarding the expectations of what was expected at a certain point in our lives, unfortunately there were also many expectations that I had for me and for the type of life that I wanted for me and none has materialised yet. It's difficult and most people can relate to it. The only thing we can do is try to do the best we can with the tools we have at the moment.

I wish you good luck for tomorrow You can do it.

 

[SamTam33]

Hopefully I get a new job soon. When I was employed, I thought there was nothing worse than forcing myself to appear normal for 9 hours a day.

Pssssssh. In retrospect that job was the only thing keeping me kind of sane.

I remind myself that I'm just as sad with or without employment, so why not put on a show and get paid for it. I tell myself that working is a form of playing make-believe and I have a really good imagination so just go for it.

Fake the funk. Play pretend. I literally have nothing else to lose either way (except my house and car lol).

I'm hoping I can maintain that mindset when I get a new job.

 

[FuneralCry]

That does sound stressful and tiring what you are going through and I get that it can be dreadful having to continue to endure a life that you want to be free from. But I wish you the best.

 

[FadeOut]

I feel the same way - All feels pretty bleak doesn't it? People say it's about finding joy in the small moments, but I don't feel like it should have to be. Why is it so difficult to just be happy.

Do you have to work full time? Is part time an option? Maybe with the money you earn you can plan things like traveling etc, might make it more appealing if you feel like you're working towards something? Idk. It's all a bit bleak really.

Yes, small moments are too small.

I don't think part time is an option for me, unfortunately and I guess I will save money so I can live in a better appartement one day. Right now I live in a studio with my fiancé and I can't get used to the lack of privacy.

I'm in exactly the same position as you, except that this is not my first job and that I quit the last one. I start tomorrow in a new one and I'm nervous because I haven't had a routine for a long time and I'm afraid I won't be able to handle the responsibility but, on the other hand, I think it will be good for me because I don't do anything 24/7, and despite our state of mind, it's really the worst thing we can do. It's too much time to think and to do shit. So having something to occupy our minds with will be good. I think we have to live one day at a time and wait for the best.

Regarding the expectations of what was expected at a certain point in our lives, unfortunately there were also many expectations that I had for me and for the type of life that I wanted for me and none has materialised yet. It's difficult and most people can relate to it. The only thing we can do is try to do the best we can with the tools we have at the moment.

I wish you good luck for tomorrow You can do it.

Hey, good luck too

I know that it might be good to be occupied, but then I feel like I'm just pushing my suicidal thoughts aside temporarily.