Spent my halloween night crying.

[BaconCheeseburger]

I had to leave the club because I was pretty much inconsolable.

I feel unfixable. Had a cuddle with my friend who had to take me from the club to his place, because he lived nearby and I couldn't be around people because they'd try to cheer me up and I just cried harder.

I really like that girl. She was holding my hand. Why did that cunt have to get in the way and make me feel like a month of getting to know her and kiss her was all for nothing? And then he has the nerve to try to add me on FB. I know this sounds super petty, but noone fucking wants me right now and I thought she might like me. I'm a diseased piece of shit and she doesn't know that and I thought she might want to get to know me. But he had his arm around her and I couldn't fight. I didn't have the energy. And clearly she didn't give a shit. She had a great time. She might even still be out now. I don't care. Well. I do because I'm writing about it. I'm hurt.

I feel unwanted and misunderstood. He knows I want to die. He says it's the 'illness' talking, but I know it's just my brain and it's something innate that won't change. I need to end. I know I need to stop breathing because all it does is hurt.

I'm so upset.

 

[Circles]

You're not a diseased piece of shit, that Chad guy is. And if that girl doesn't want to get closer with you it's her loss. I know it sucks being rejected but you can't force someone to love you back. At least you tried and put in the effort as compared to me and you put your vulnerable self out there. That takes grit and you tried. I'm sure you are tired of failure but that's the risk we take whenever we try and you did it.

 

[Miss clefable]

Hugs your not unwanted you just haven't found the right person yet

 

[BaconCheeseburger]

Hugs your not unwanted you just haven't found the right person yet

I don't even know why I bother interacting with people at this point. I'm forcing myself to socialise which is making me feel worse.

Thanks for the hugs, Miss C x

 

[BaconCheeseburger]

Again atleast you tried that takes more guts than me where I would've quit and left before I met someone believing full well it would be futile and end up being a failure.

In my usual fashion I just want to block her out of my life and continue on as if I never knew her, because that's what makes me feel better. It pisses the hell out of everyone I abandon though, but saves me the upset.

 

[Lady black]

She doesn´t deserve you, forget her and find someone better that will really love you. I ´m sure you deserve someone better.

 

[Roph]

I'm sorry BC. There is someone who deserves you out there.

 

[Schopenhauer]

Humans suck. Relationships are hard. Life is crap. I can't find anything positive to say, sorry. But you're not the problem.