Help Specifying end of life terms in the will?

[Rabitfever]

I was wondering if there's any way in which I can prevent my parents from having access to my dead body. I want to be able to dictate what gets done with my remains in a written will that cannot be overrode by even the closet family members. This might sound selfish to an outsider because of the obvious lack of closure for them, but I believe this is the most sensible thing to do for reasons I cannot explain.

I currently live in the US and my parents are back in India. I have thought about going back home before CBTing but I've recently started growing accustomed to the idea that them not having to deal with all this would actually be better for them in the long run. I've already "prepped" them for what's to come by completely cutting off all sorts of contact and not hiding any of my suicidal intentions. If there was a way to just drop off of the face of the earth, I would choose that. But that being nearly impossible, I would like to legally restrict what can . I just don't want my parents to go through last minute frenzy involving a lot of calls to coordinate things internationally, extensive paperwork, additional cost and other logistics involving repatriation of remains, especially when they've been hit by the news of my passing. Just looking for advice on whether this is practically feasible.

 

[killedbypsychiatry]

I honestly don't know but I have the same question

 

[Rabitfever]

I honestly don't know but I have the same question

Hey, technically I'm "killed by psychiatry" too :/

 

[Makko]

I suggest you book an hour with a local family law attorney for a consultation. Don't imply suicide or anything, just ask for help drafting a will and working out the practicalities so that you don't burden your family "in case something happens". This is normal and should raise no eyebrows.

Write in the will where you want to be buried and designate the attorney as the executor of the will. Your estate must have the money to cover the expenses. This should work everywhere but local juridisdictions may have some differences.

 

[Rabitfever]

I suggest you book an hour with a local family law attorney for a consultation. Don't imply suicide or anything, just ask for help drafting a will and working out the practicalities so that you don't burden your family "in case something happens". This is normal and should raise no eyebrows.

Write in the will where you want to be buried and designate the attorney as the executor of the will. Your estate must have the money to cover the expenses. This should work everywhere but local juridisdictions may have some differences.

Thank you. That is sound advice :)

 

[killedbypsychiatry]

Hey, technically I'm "killed by psychiatry" too :/

I'm so sorry :( shocking how many people are here because of psychiatry

 

[Rabitfever]

I'm so sorry :( shocking how many people are here because of psychiatry

Shocking, sad and absolutely disgusting.. I hate that they have legal impunity except for a few cases here and there.

 

[killedbypsychiatry]

Shocking, sad and absolutely disgusting.. I hate that they have legal impunity except for a few cases here and there.

I know, they are absolute criminals and kill so many yet the great majority gets away with it, makes me so angry

 

[Choronzon]

You definitely should talk to a wills & estates attorney--family law could be helpful, but this is the exact specialty you are looking at. They really help you understand how things are done, so you can be assured that your passing gets treated properly, and that you've given clear instructions so that taking care of your remains and your stuff isn't as huge a hassle as it might be.

I'd also consider a medical power of attorney; whether from ctb or not, I'll bet you probably don't want your parents making decisions for you if you are incapacitated but still alive. Anyway, a good lawyer will bring up those other legal instruments besides just a will.

One last thing, though you can appoint a lawyer as your executor, it's probably better if there is someone in your life who you can trust to be the organized type, and who is likely to understand what you would want to have happen--ambiguous situations inevitably arise, and a human being has to make the judgment call then.

It's not selfish! You're taking responsibility for your own life by doing this. It could make a difference to your friends, too. A woman I loved very much ctb'ed many years ago, and while that tore me in half, what really rubbed salt in the wounds is that her (evil, fundamentalist, abusive fuckwads) parents erased her identity. She was trans, and now her tombstone deadnames her. It makes me sick to think about it. Anyway, that's to say it might matter to more people than just you, so good on you for thinking ahead.

 

[Makko]

One last thing, though you can appoint a lawyer as your executor, it's probably better if there is someone in your life who you can trust to be the organized type, and who is likely to understand what you would want to have happen--ambiguous situations inevitably arise, and a human being has to make the judgment call then.

This is dangerous because a layman executor can get sentimental and violate the will, especially when under pressure from relatives.

 

[Choronzon]

This is dangerous because a layman executor can get sentimental and violate the will, especially when under pressure from relatives.

Well, my will specifies the distribution of my money pretty exactly. The executor's other jobs include stuff like just distributing my junk, which I don't much care about, and wrapping up bank accounts and so on. Again, you totally can use a lawyer for this, it's just expensive, and they don't know your mind as a friend would. That's how my lawyer advised me; I'm not a lawyer myself, of course.

I personally think an executor who understands there's conflict with your family would be trustworthy, but we all have to decide on those risks.