Soul-crushing loneliness

[Plutopolis]

Does anyone feel a sense of soul-crushing loneliness? Even when I talk to my peers, the moment the conversation is over and I go my own way, I'm back to this pit of loneliness. Short conversations can keep me distracted. But they only last so long. I am not very good conversationally as well and I don't have any real friends. As well as this, I just don't feel any deep connection with anyone or anything. Except maybe sugary foods. They're the one thing I crave and am addicted to, which is slowly killing me. Like a slow ctb.

And does anyone else have a voice in their head, a stream of thoughts that just don't stop. I've read a lot of spiritual material, and thoughts and the constant onslaught of them are said to be something that pulls us out of our innate state of happiness. Obviously I don't know this from experience. How do people control their thoughts? Do I make it the sole goal of my life? Because right now I am the one causing myself the most pain. Why can't I just be happy alone? Why can't I be completely content and fulfilled by myself?

 

[Forever Sleep]

I found the book 'The Power of Now' by Eckhart Tolle useful to read in regards to our different selves or, like you say- all that mental chatter going on. 'Sadhguru' on YouTube talks about it also.

If I'm honest, I'm lucky in that I don't tend to experience loneliness that much. Fortunate really, seeing as I spend probably 98% of my time alone. Weirdly, it bothers me more if I go from being in social situations to being alone. I suppose to a small extent, I start opening up to the possibility of being dependent on others and then, they're not there again. I'm actually pretty scared that I may one day start to really feel it. I'm sorry though. I'm sure it must be really painful.

 

[Plutopolis]

Thanks for the suggestions!

I have listened to both people you mentioned. And while I do get the teachings, I don't live them.

Glad to hear that you don't feel super lonely. I think I get what you mean about when you see people and then are alone again it is worse. I think the same goes for me. I feel so alone when I walk around and see people.

 

[insideitsempty]

candy is tasty i agree but ive been limiting on it cuz i just dont feel like eating or have no time for snacks

 

[littleearthquakes]

I feel the same way. I'm homebound due to chronic illness and pain but all I can seem to do is try to find people to chat with. And when it goes well for a few hours, maybe days tops, I feel less alone and better but then inevitably something goes wrong (usually they find me too depressing, too much) and then I'm alone again. It feels agonizing when I don't have that. I try to distract with TV or games and that can help but there's this loneliness I can't shake and I really hate it because it makes me keep exposing myself to endless stress, trauma, and disappointment from connections never working or lasting and usually people being shitty or saying problematic things that stick with me. I don't really know what to do about it. I've always been this way, constantly seeking connections and it's so much harder now to only be able to make them online, but it was always hard for these reasons.

 

[MiraiShisen]

Does anyone feel a sense of soul-crushing loneliness? Even when I talk to my peers, the moment the conversation is over and I go my own way, I'm back to this pit of loneliness. Short conversations can keep me distracted. But they only last so long. I am not very good conversationally as well and I don't have any real friends. As well as this, I just don't feel any deep connection with anyone or anything. Except maybe sugary foods. They're the one thing I crave and am addicted to, which is slowly killing me. Like a slow ctb.

And does anyone else have a voice in their head, a stream of thoughts that just don't stop. I've read a lot of spiritual material, and thoughts and the constant onslaught of them are said to be something that pulls us out of our innate state of happiness. Obviously I don't know this from experience. How do people control their thoughts? Do I make it the sole goal of my life? Because right now I am the one causing myself the most pain. Why can't I just be happy alone? Why can't I be completely content and fulfilled by myself?

Humans are social creatures , sadly, we all need certain amount of that, even biggest introverts need some kind of company, either in books, social media, youtube.. etc.. I cant help you, if you have any hobbies you can meet people there, or if you like games there are lot of multiplayer games where you can meet random ppl but I dont have experience on this. I am chronically ill so I cant move outside , my cope mechanism with this is youtube and twitch, I am not really introverted but sometimes It work, sometimes not really, sometimes I read this forum to connect with people by reading their stories.

 

[FollowHim]

Yes, I've never really connected with a human being. Even before I got sick and thus homebound, my friendships felt superficial, and I got sick during puberty, so it's been a long time, as I'm in my 40's now.
I don't know what to do about it either. Talking to people is impossible, because they don't understand, they just say stupid things like "where there's a will, there's a way". Which is complete bullshit.

 

[Pluto]

 

[Pluto]

Why can't I be completely content and fulfilled by myself?

I'm in the same situation. I have commented about Eckhart Tolle and the awakening phenomenon more broadly before.

The dilemma is that for a skilled meditator or someone in an advanced state, being alone for an extended period is perhaps the greatest bliss in the world. Yet to a 'normal person', solitary confinement is one of the most brutal punishments. It's almost one extreme or the other.

Generally, people who have had success have aimed to immerse themselves in the teachings 24/7. I had a friend who listened to the Power of Now audiobook on repeat while commuting every day, and eventually had a breakthrough after many months. I've been trying endlessly, for decades, though, so I am in no position to lecture anyone.