brokenwaves
i need to cross a border that’s hard to define
- Feb 19, 2021
- 118
not expecting any answers to this, i just really need to vent (again) and know that somewhere, somebody heard this shit. i'm just in such a bad place right now, which i'm sure most people can relate to on here. i'm trying to hold on a little longer but my brain makes it so fucking hard. i feel like i'm losing my mind, and i can't even talk to anybody because they don't take me seriously and they just look at me so disappointed every time i find myself back in this situation.
i'm losing touch with reality, head feels about to explode constantly and i just can't think straight for a second. and i'm so sick of this stupid country i live in which has absolutely no help for mentally ill people. i'm just so so hopeless. i've been to hospital, after surviving suicide attempts and i'm told that i "don't look depressed" and my family are told to "just hide the knives." then they send me home, and i leave feeling even worse than before. what kind of hope am i expected to have when i know that at my worst, there will be no help provided.
my life is seriously some cruel joke, i can't believe i'm living this bullshit every day. i can't even trust myself in the state i'm in, it's 50:50 whether i'll take a nap or go jump off a bridge most of the day.
i was put on new antidepressant like a month ago, obviously that's not working. but i don't even want to go back to my fucking doctor i'm sick of visiting him every few months like yeah i'm depressed again meds aren't working. i'm sure he doesn't even know what the fuck to do with me anymore. i don't even know what to do, and god i'm sick of trying and trying and trying. it's never going to "get better"
i'm losing touch with reality, head feels about to explode constantly and i just can't think straight for a second. and i'm so sick of this stupid country i live in which has absolutely no help for mentally ill people. i'm just so so hopeless. i've been to hospital, after surviving suicide attempts and i'm told that i "don't look depressed" and my family are told to "just hide the knives." then they send me home, and i leave feeling even worse than before. what kind of hope am i expected to have when i know that at my worst, there will be no help provided.
my life is seriously some cruel joke, i can't believe i'm living this bullshit every day. i can't even trust myself in the state i'm in, it's 50:50 whether i'll take a nap or go jump off a bridge most of the day.
i was put on new antidepressant like a month ago, obviously that's not working. but i don't even want to go back to my fucking doctor i'm sick of visiting him every few months like yeah i'm depressed again meds aren't working. i'm sure he doesn't even know what the fuck to do with me anymore. i don't even know what to do, and god i'm sick of trying and trying and trying. it's never going to "get better"