Soon I’m going to free myself and fly into the beyond

[EmotionlessWanderer]

I'm going to CTB either tomorrow or Tuesday. I've only been here for maybe a little over a week but all of you have been the most understanding people I have came across in years especially on the internet.

My reasons for doing so I believe I have stated before. I have Autisim which causes me to mentally and socially struggle in this world. I literally can't take it anymore. And I find no value in anything this life offers to be worth the pain.

Everyday I feel more empty and alien on this earth. If I told anyone of my reasons they would think I'm batshit crazy when that's not the cause even if they knew I am autistic. I thought about this for a while and gave myself various chances at life. It doesn't do it for me plain and bloody simple.

I hope and believe that the afterlife is a world where I can connect to and be myself without worry. Where I won't feel alienated left and right. A place where I can finally ease my flawed mind instead of constantly fighting with it.

If I don't post anything on Wednesday then consider me dead. I'm making this ahead of time because I'm going to leave my phone behind when I check in to a hotel so no one can find me.

I wish you all the best of luck in both this flawed world and the beyond.

 

[bigj75]

Well i wish you peace!

What's your method? If you don't mind me asking.

 

[EmotionlessWanderer]

Well i wish you peace!

What's your method? If you don't mind me asking.

The Night night method.

 

[bigj75]

The Night night method.

That's my method aswell. I bought the supplies for it recently. I won't be doing it for a few more months or so but I'm dead set on this.

I'll be rooting for you.

 

[JustAboutDone]

I'm sorry that this world has let you down and not made you feel that you belong. That makes me sad. You should feel every bit as valued as any one else and not feel alienated or left out. You make me want to try harder and be a better person to people I meet in everyday life. Whatever your plans are, I wish you the best luck and love :-) X

 

[Dead_Inside]

I send you all the luck I have to give. I hope you find peace and a swift end from this life.
Autism is most certainly a difficult diagnosis- the only this people do is communicate.... it's a cruel and uncaring world if you can't "feel" what everyone one else does.

 

[I am ___________]

I wish you the best of luck, and safe journey. I know what it feels like to be misunderstood and have no where to belong, this world is unworthy, and evil.

 

[21Neberg]

I'm glad you've set everything up so well! Good luck!!
And if you fail, don't be ashamed. We're always here for you.

 

[sadsoul]

I can relate a lot to feeling alienated. Hopefully the afterlife will bring you the peace you deserve. Good luck and safe travels

 

[EmotionlessWanderer]

I got ahead of myself. It looks like I'm going to have to practice my method a bit more.

 

[21Neberg]

I got ahead of myself. It looks like I'm going to have to practice my method a bit more.

I'm practicing as well, we all have to. Don't be ashamed, use this experience to learn from it! I have full faith in you that you'll succeed next time.

 

[GhostedToast]

It's alright! You'll do better on your attempt next time and will be able to have a journey to find peace.

 

[EmotionlessWanderer]

My endless ratchet strap just arrived. Hopefully they will work better than the hooked ones and I'll actually be able to die by the next few weeks.

 

[Jiva]

Hope, you find peace. Hug.

 

[I am ___________]

Glad to see that you are alright. Just try to take things slow for now, just wasn't your time.

 

[Its911]

Good to see you online EmotionlessWanderer how have you been holding up?

 

[EmotionlessWanderer]

Good to see you online EmotionlessWanderer how have you been holding up?

Good I guess

 

[Its911]

Good I guess

Well buddy we are all rooting for you, either way you decide to go.

 

[Never Free]

I can relate a lot to feeling alienated. Hopefully the afterlife will bring you the peace you deserve. Good luck and safe travels

Everything you said

I send you all the luck I have to give. I hope you find peace and a swift end from this life.
Autism is most certainly a difficult diagnosis- the only this people do is communicate.... it's a cruel and uncaring world if you can't "feel" what everyone one else does.

I was diagnosed with this. Seemingly some cruel fate I not only struggled in school, but kind of a knack socially. Feeling more misunderstood, and flawed. I was told right away I didn't fit, and didn't fit with the people that "didn't fit". My social awareness only seemed to spite me. As it seems directly related to my corporolalia. I had other tics as well. It wasn't believed when I tried to explain to family. People tend to assume/ not believe me. Particularly MH. I sometimes wonder if it would be easier if they were just right.