Sometimes need validation

[Livingvsdying25]

Sometimes just need someone to say I'm valid & worthy usually an adult. i know why this is be it sucks. i wish i had more love at home.
In what ways do you find validation?

 

[TotallyIsolated]

You are valid :)

Mostly I need constant reassurance, but there are some matters where I can feel valid from within. I'm a software developer (well, I was) and the code that you write either works or it doesn't. I never have to worry about what the computer *really* thinks about my code, or if it only compiles correctly because the machine is trying to make me feel better!

 

[Sensei]

I get validation from my pupils. That's not a good thing, though. For some reason, I get very strong suicidal impulses if they praise me or become emotional. It's a mystery to me why I react like this. Perhaps it has to do with my illness. I remember that Stephen Frye (not outright bipolar, but cyclothymic) thought to himself after getting a standing ovation and leaving the stage, "I'm going to kill myself now."

 

[TearyEyedQueen]

You are valid and loved :)
I completely understand. As someone who was mocked and bullied by peers my whole life I get excited like a like puppy when someone my age compliments me, so much it's pathetic.

 

[Kassender]

I completely understand. As someone who was mocked and bullied by peers my whole life I get excited like a like puppy when someone my age compliments me, so much it's pathetic.

I absolutely relate.
I get like that if im even only acknowledged.

 

[Misanthrope]

Why are you not valid and worthy? Have you ever set a dog on fire for shits and giggles? Have you ever molested a child? Violated a person's sexual consent? Sold any one into sex slavery? Robbed an elderly person of their valuables and hit them in the face with a crowbar? Murdered someone and dissolved their body in Lye? Shot up a school? Bullied someone and laughed at their distress and made a pattern of doing so for years?

If the answer to all those things is no, trust me when I say you are more valid and worthy in this world than many are.

There is no shame in seeking out validation if you are not getting any, where it matters to you. That does not make you pathetic, no more than a person dying in a desert of thirst is pathetic for asking for water. It is only a problem if you define all of yourself on the basis of how others view you. If you succumb to that you lose yourself.

My own personal validation comes from being good to my loved ones, and trying to share with them positive experiences and getting plenty back from them that proves they value my presence. My former work used to be quite validating as well. I also try and validate myself by acknowledging what I have achieved in areas I was actively trying in. Even an incremental step is worth valuing, especially when starting something can be harder than finishing it.. Sometimes it is also worth reflecting on if you upset a person by saying no. how that may actually be a good thing. It means you have boundaries and will defend them even if it robs you of validation from some people. You can't please them all and nor should you try to, unless you want to be a doormat to everyone and not live out your own wants.

 

[Moonicide]

Like many others have said in this thread, you are very much valid and the way you feel is also valid. I think everyone needs validation to some extent, and like you I grew up in a household with a lack of that, especially a lack of love... I find validation through my friends as well as communicating in this community. It's provided me with comfort and strength.