O
Onomotopoeia
Experienced
- Feb 8, 2019
- 264
Sometimes I get lost in my head. Every thought is a rabbit hole without end and yet sometimes, some things keep coming back. Like me being suicidal. It's been the most consistent thought I have ever had and yet it's been over a decade since I put any real thought and/or action into CTB.
It seems such a difficult task with more chance for failure than success. I have never actually finished anything in my life so it makes some karmic sense I would never actually commit suicide. I wish I had an actual reason. When I was younger pain had such sharp edges it almost encouraged suicide. Now that I am older there is no pain, mild annoyance at best and it just seems so pointless.
I do not have any reasons to die, nor do I have reasons to live. I have no reasons at all and often I wish life had those sharp edges of pain that I once wished away.
Sometimes I get lost in my head. It's easy to do when there is nobody else around and i'm always alone. How strange that in my solitude I do not wish for company, just drugs to improve my time.
I had no reason to post this, and there was no reason for you to read this. Sometimes I like to feel like i'm talking to someone at least now maybe someone could talk back, i'm bored and lost in my head.
It seems such a difficult task with more chance for failure than success. I have never actually finished anything in my life so it makes some karmic sense I would never actually commit suicide. I wish I had an actual reason. When I was younger pain had such sharp edges it almost encouraged suicide. Now that I am older there is no pain, mild annoyance at best and it just seems so pointless.
I do not have any reasons to die, nor do I have reasons to live. I have no reasons at all and often I wish life had those sharp edges of pain that I once wished away.
Sometimes I get lost in my head. It's easy to do when there is nobody else around and i'm always alone. How strange that in my solitude I do not wish for company, just drugs to improve my time.
I had no reason to post this, and there was no reason for you to read this. Sometimes I like to feel like i'm talking to someone at least now maybe someone could talk back, i'm bored and lost in my head.