I hope what I have to say brings some sort of comfort or hope for the future. First things first, I think the idea you have the desire to want to live shows, Even if subconsciously, that there's something in your life that stems into that though. Something that you feel is worth sticking around for. Which may sound weird considering your recent trial. If you're able to possibly figure out and identify this deep seeded connection to the desire of wanting to want life, You can further set a goal for yourself. That'll be a good first step, and its never the easiest, but it can go a long way. Secondly, Being alone definitely does feel harsh. We all desire to have someone we can trust and rely on to be there for us. Sometimes, However, Being alone can give us the chance to see our perspective head on instead of leaning on someone Elses view. It might be hard, and i don't know your life story and i wont try to pretend i do, But try to find a way to appreciate yourself. Even if small things, Tell yourself of these things. As an example for you, Although not yourself telling you this, I for one am proud of you for seeking help here. Its wonderful you could contain yourself enough to ask, Many people daily don't. You're already ahead of the curb in an aspect. Don't forget to appreciate that fact. If you need someone to speak with, Im always willing to lend an ear.