Sometime next week

[İnilerim]

Today I will go out into the nearby forest and find a suitable spot, I need to be found outside to spare my family the embarrassment of police / ambulance in front of their house.
Tomorrow I will go out and buy a gas cable; I already bought the helium tank 6 years ago.
The only missing peace is the exit bag, I have to come up with an idea. Will probably scour the city for something appropriate. Then I'm set.

I regret having waited for so long. I planed to do this right after graduating high school. And now I'm one thesis away from finishing a useless bachelor.
A lot of things happened; I lived on my own for the first time, had my first kiss, relationship etc.. I was actually really happy for some time, especially during the relationship. First time in my life a person I liked liked me back.

But never once did I think, "This was worth surviving for". Not once. And now that my supposed "best years" are slowly coming to an end, I have zero doubt that this will ever change. I will never be normal.

 

[JimFord99]

You can't say that for certain. How old are you, Inilerim?

 

[Polka]

Yeah, how old are you? Might need to change gear here.

 

[Neverod]

But never once did I think, "This was worth surviving for". Not once.

I always thought like that, so i comprehend you in a way. If that's what you want, make sure to do your best.
Hope you are able to do what you want in the end.

 

[İnilerim]

So I went to scout for the hut in the forest that I remembered being there, but my mother wanted to tag along and so it turned into a walk. I'll have to go again tomorrow.

I turned 28 this year, but I don't have the life experience to show for it. Mentally I'm roughly at the stage a neurotypical 18 year old might be.

I always thought like that, so i comprehend you in a way. If that's what you want, make sure to do your best.
Hope you are able to do what you want in the end.

Thank you.

 

[Polka]

I urge you to give it more time. At least 20 years. After that you will know for sure.

 

[İnilerim]

I urge you to give it more time. At least 20 years. After that you will know for sure.

My option for the coming few years is either being homeless, or continuing to leech off of my parents, and I would feel incredible shame if it end up being the latter.
Also, since I don't have my own place right now, there will be no cleanup or hassle; only the things in my room have to be thrashed. I might not get another opportunity like this.

The absolute best time to vanish was right after high school, when I didn't yet burn through my savings and my social net was non-existant.
The 2nd best time is now. I have waited too long.

 

[Polka]

Thank you for the response. I hope others can help offset your current mindset. 28 is so very young.