Someone who carried on to the end.......or old age...........thoughts?

[IsThisTheEnd?]

I'm not here to encourage anyone to ctb but for me personally another 5-10 years just seems like a living Hell

What I'm asking here is someone who has carried on into old age despite these feelings or some who knows someone who has and these kind of thoughts but is still here after after a long period of time and things that have helped or kept them going.

 

[VIBRITANNIA]

i'm not one of those people, but my guess is that they want to experience the joys in life, even if they are fleeting. or maybe they're hanging on for other people.

 

[So-lowgid]

I made my first legit attempt at 17 & had a good few. I'm now 43 and simply alive right now because I have children & love them so much I don't want to destroy their life's. Between 26 & 35 I really wanted to live and was at times free of these thoughts or at least they were fleeting. Back in hell now and feel like I'm old age! But there can be respite, I'm telling myself as much as you as I want it back

 

[Myforevercharlie]

What do you call old age? I decided long ago ctb is not for me. I'm 44 now.

 

[MichaelNomad123]

It has been on my mind since early teens. I'm now 32. Don't ask me why I keep going, because I don't have an answer for you. I just seem to have this ethereal quality to me that won't let me give up entirely, despite the mountain of shit that keeps happening to me. Sometimes I like to pretend that I'm special because of that, like my soul is powerful, or something ridiculous, but really I'm just trying everything before the end. I don't believe in an afterlife really, so this is all there is. I can take a bit more suffering if it means I have concluded a path. I'm a hedonist, ultimately, and for as shallow as that is, it does help.

 

[goodbyebunny]

I have wanted to die everyday since I was 12. Now I'm in my mid twenties, and I still experience suicidal ideation everyday. But I think there's a chance I might keep going for a while longer.

 

[NeverGoodEnuff]

I am almost 69. Suicidal ideations have come and gone most of my adult life.

I kept going because of my children. Then I kept going because of my post-children career, which I loved. Retired and was about to CTB when grandkids came along. In between, there were rough roads to travel.

Now, I have lost what I loved and here I am.

As for age, when I was 30, I thought 40 was old. When I was 40, I thought 50 was old. When I was 50, yep, 60 was old. Now, I think 70 is definitely gonna be it. But my mother is now 96, has to live with my sister who is late 50's and who recently retired and has started a small farm. Mom, even though she is wheelchair and scooter bound, is having a blast feeding chickens, helping milk the goats, and gardening in the raised beds built for her. Her scooter has a little trailer so she can haul water for her garden and the animals. Btw, she is also in constant pain. And hasn't given up. I don't know if she ever thought about suicide. She had some hard times so maybe? I hated her for a time but have resolved that.

I keep fighting. Some days are awful, like everybody else here has. Some days are okay, some are actually pretty good. I live for those days. Mom lives for her favorite chicken, no kidding. The chicken's name is Ebony. She tells me all about Ebony's latest antics. 96. Probably make it to 100. She's too mean to die.

Advantages of being old...

Nobody cares how you look. Freedom from shaving legs, hours doing manis/pedis, makeup and all of that. Who cares? I'm just an old lady!

Yesterday, I decided to go out. Had to laugh because I realized that now, dressing up means wearing clean sweats. And not caring! Haha!!

I can do and say whatever I want. People just think, "well, she's old, doncha know."

And I don't have to do what I don't want to do. No more roof work! Too old for that, lol! Mowing is slow now, because I'm old. Nobody asks me to help them move. I am sure to mention I'm 70. Not true but then they say cool stuff like, "Wow! You don't look 70!"

Hmmm...come to think of it, this being old is a pretty good schtick. As long as I have my health; for that I am thankful.

 

[Weather]

Curiosity, I suppose. Yes, there is disappointment -- so, so often disappointment. But somehow... still curiosity.

Also desire to improve the world for others. For those who care about or need me (e.g., children/family), but also through work/research.