Someone reached out...

[SectOfValtiel]

I havent been talking to anyone, havent talked to most of my friends in over a month now and deactivated my twitter account
Out of the blue a few days ago I got a message on twitch of all places saying 'I love you, sorry things are rough, please dont make any decisions when youre depressed' to paraphrase
To be fair theyre the only person saying anything even remotely supportive, they were before I started isolating again too, but I just
Dont believe them
I feel like theres something inside me broken beyond repair and even when someone is genuine about caring about me, or at least seeming that way, I just cant accept it
I see all the times they *didnt* reach out and my mind just marks that as proof they dont mean it... even though I know they wouldnt put in all this effort to find me if they didnt

just makes me feel worse and worse and worse
doesnt help shes someone I already feel like is 'out of my league'
not necessarily romantically, I mean in general- I feel like Im not a good enough person or friend or even interesting enough to even talk to her half the time...
shes a DJ, a streamer, working on making her own games- just a cool person
You always hear that thing about how youre the average of the 5 people you keep closest to you
and Im shit, Im nothing, I dont deserve to be anywhere near that just actively making everyones life worse like i have for all my other friends, all the ones i lost

i havent responded yet
i dont know how
if i had a way to 'make a decision' i would be dead already, but its either im too scared for the easily accessible ways or i dont have any money to get the resources for the other ways- and if i *could* get money, the amount i want to CBT would probably plummet lmao
fucked with no way out and forced to suffer in a life ill never be able to turn around despite how fucking much i wish i could


wish I could say im thankful but it just didnt help
i appreciate the effort but i think theyre wasting their time on me like everyone else used to
should just let me disappear and forget i was ever there like everyone else did
i know their life would be a lot better if they did

 

[Amccorm2]

Reply with an honest answer, see how that goes? You've got a 50/50% chance of being proved right or wrong.

I feel for you, life is shit when you inherently trust nobody and suspect that people always have an ulterior motive. The issue is, most of the time, people do so you're constantly proven right.

I'm here if you want to talk it out, one distrusting person to another.

 

[SectOfValtiel]

Reply with an honest answer, see how that goes? You've got a 50/50% chance of being proved right or wrong.

I feel for you, life is shit when you inherently trust nobody and suspect that people always have an ulterior motive. The issue is, most of the time, people do so you're constantly proven right.

I'm here if you want to talk it out, one distrusting person to another.

I usually did any of the times she said something like that before...
not sure I even have energy enough to respond now though, even thinking about it fills me with dread
shes not the only one I havent responded to, just the only one that said anything kind in it, only message ive gotten since isolating that even acknowledges i havent been around

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Perhaps you can say you acknowledge her attempt to reach out but you're just trying to take care of yourself for now.

 

[Silent.Tears]

I'm glad someone reached out to ya and I think you should be too. But at the same time I understand your feelings as well, someone reaches out and you feel like they didn't care before. Look, I'm not here to tell you what to do but I can tell you my honest opinions. Everyone, every single person have their hands full of shit that life throws at them.
In the midst of it all, if someone is reaching out they probably thought of you a few times before doing so. Trying to think of what to say, how to say it. The great thing is that they were kind to you, and I think you should also respond in kind words telling them your current situation. I'm sorry for your suffering

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds like a difficult situation to be in, and I get that it can be awful feeling so trapped and having to constantly suffer but I wish you the best.

 

[theboy]

¿who is?