Kimlett
Member
- Jan 7, 2024
- 69
Hi everyone. I'll just like to introduce myself and tell some things about me. I'm almost 30, I have major depressive disorder, I am fat and I currently don't have a job. I do have a loving family, some friends and a partner. And I've been in a very dark depressive episode during the last 2 years. I really do want to stop living, I hate life, I think it's not worth it, but I can't ctb because I can't stand the idea of hurting my family. However it makes me sick to think that I have to keep living for at least 40 years or more.
I don't want to work, the idea of coming back to work makes me feel goosebumps. I hate my fat body but I can't lose weight because I'm addicted to food. I don't have energy these days to do anything, I just want to stay in bed. I'm so tired. I am going to therapy and my therapist is nice but it seems impossible to get out of this darkness, it's relapse after relapse. I've tried some medications (ssri and snri) with a psichiatrist but they did nothing. Only benzos help me calm down when I'm having a breakdown.
If I make a mental effort i can see for an instant that my life is ok, but it doesn't last and these huge waves of deep sadness just keep coming. Everything is so sad, empty and dissapointing. Everything hurts. It's a new year and I just don't want to live one more year, not even one day. But I have to, and I would like to make my life more bearable somehow. Thanks for reading.
I don't want to work, the idea of coming back to work makes me feel goosebumps. I hate my fat body but I can't lose weight because I'm addicted to food. I don't have energy these days to do anything, I just want to stay in bed. I'm so tired. I am going to therapy and my therapist is nice but it seems impossible to get out of this darkness, it's relapse after relapse. I've tried some medications (ssri and snri) with a psichiatrist but they did nothing. Only benzos help me calm down when I'm having a breakdown.
If I make a mental effort i can see for an instant that my life is ok, but it doesn't last and these huge waves of deep sadness just keep coming. Everything is so sad, empty and dissapointing. Everything hurts. It's a new year and I just don't want to live one more year, not even one day. But I have to, and I would like to make my life more bearable somehow. Thanks for reading.