Some subjects I might go over with a psychiatrist.

[56709]

Yes I grew up in poverty with an abusive stepfather. Yes I witnessed domestic violence. Yes I was in foster care because of that. Yes I was neglected and yes my case was mishandled by the DFS and public education systems. Yes I started early with my self-harm and suicide attempts and yes they were all failures that likely damaged my body and brain, yes I was mocked for the way that I chose to cut my arms by the psychiatrists in the mental hospital I was in as a kid and yes I completely failed to communicate anything to them at all. Yeah I have had extreme eating disorders my entire life(the real deal, extreme chronic binge-eating and at one time even purging)and no I never got diagnosed with any of them. Yeah I stole from my family members and did endless impulsive things while never trying to branch out socially or be enterprising in any way. Yeah I stole random stuff from the schools I was in. Yeah my brother beat me, called me a sexually ambiguous stubby freak and said that no girl would ever want to date me. Yes he pretended to drown me, forcing me underwater for extended periods. and threw hard objects at my head, shot me with a bow, etc. Yeah I was abusive and violent in a lot of ways including to animals (I have not done anything in this vein in a very long time and am incredibly remorseful, can't believe that I did those things now.) Yeah I hit myself in the head a few times and took megadoses of random things for no reason. Yes I had extreme grandiose self-concepts and such. Yeah I fucked up my own teeth and have been afraid to see a dentist about it. Yeah I refused help when it was offered and made people very resentful towards me over it. Yeah I used to skip class to go sit in the bathroom for hours and yes I realize that that is incredibly bizarre behavior. I should have been put in some kind of at risk program or maybe even imprisoned but I was not, so here I am. Trying to figure out where I stand and what is available to me... yeah I chose this life out of impulsivity and amorality but I also have been enabled by my family in that I am still here, living with them unemployed after all of this.

Yes I have done almost nothing for 5-6 years.

Yeah there's no proof of any of the claims and I didn't make it very interesting... I'm sorry.

 

[Sensei]

I don't know if it's the correct psychological term to use, but you seem to have been badly traumatised by what you have been forced to go through. Have you tried psychotherapy recently? It's no miracle method, but it may help you sort out some of your problems.