Like the others mentioned, all experiences will likely be completely unique to each person etc.
I started off at the same place, daily going through the dilemma of trying recovery, I had already been down the path once before and it was painful. I never wanted to make it past 19 originally but as I soon realized I started to live for the people inside my life as well as the ones no longer here, thus I was going to stay atleast for a while longer which only created more dilemmas, what do I actually do for money?
To solve that question I first had to get to a state of being where I wouldn't get to an even lower point due to stress or lack of energy on top of the already piling mental health problems basically I needed to be physically and mentally able to actually work.
I started taking steps towards the things I thought most important which for me was: 1. Physical confidence and 2. Getting sleep.
Started to workout, step by step, found a new "diet" that I could easily keep consistent, found training I genuinely enjoyed doing etc. Because I knew from my first try that if I at ever point do something I don't enjoy doing it will not last because simply I lack energy to waste on such things even if healthier than my normal options if that makes sense. This could be replaced by basically anything that could be your "workout" if training is not in your interest, learning an instrument etc.
Went to a doctor and got prescribed a bunch of sleeping pills and found ones that have actually helped, doesnt stop my nightmares but it allows me to sleep for longer, I don't walk around on 3-5 hours of sleep anymore.
It took time, trial and error but now I'm confident in my body and go to sleep without anxiety. Just the fact that you're making this post and have this dilemma with yourself daily is already a very big step in my eyes, that you are trying to make a difference and want to atleast try to get to a different position in life. Its taken me over 2 years to even mentally get into the position where I allowed myself the thought that recovery could ever be possible and then its taken me 8 months more to make big changes to my life and look for solutions that work in the long term and not only the short term which was all I had done before.
This hasn't fixed my mental issues nor has it completely removed my suicidal thoughts but instead I can actually counter the thoughts because I'm at a position in life where even with trauma, ocd etc. I can take it and I can deal with the shit that comes with it because I made the rest of my life that much easier which has given me a great amount more energy to deal with it all.
And even with this I'm still not sure I will ever fully "recover" nor am I sure what that term actually means but I do believe I'm on the path of it and I'm gonna try and see it all the way through but I never for 10 years thought that I could ever feel any different than I did at my worst so I'd like to believe that recovery is possible for some atleast and now thinking that I can't allow myself to not give it all that I have. Its not hope but more so changing my perspective as my experience has changed.
I'm not sure if I've actually helped answer your questions but I hope my experience could be of some use to you (or anyone). If you decide to take a step on the path feel free to write to me for any potential advice. Take care of yourself
