Help some questions

[larkspurlazuli]

hey all, I've been a long time browser of this site but only recently made an account. i plan on ctb sometime this week and just need to tie up some loose ends. any help is greatly appreciated, i am really thankful for this site.

I bought some SN in December when Christmas packages were coming so it wouldn't seem weird for me to hide it in my room. I am unable to access stronger antiemitics so I just got Dramamine, which I know isnt ideal but is probably better than nothing. Does anyone know just how much it would help? do i need to follow a regimen?

I know a water solution of SN is recommended, but would it work if ingested in gelatin capsules? I have a LOT, and I feel like it would make it easier to not puke, especially without meto, but i don't want it to be ineffective or give me any complications. I also have a lot of Atarax (hydroxyzine hlc) for my anxiety, which is also an antihistamine and makes me very sleepy. i was thinking of taking a large dose and waiting until i start getting tired and relaxed to take the SN, but again, not sure if that's a good idea.

My plan as of right now is to take 150mg Atarax and 300mg Dramamine, wait about 90 minutes, and take ~30g of SN capsules. i just want to make sure i don't have to try again, I've been trying for 14+ years and I'd like it to stick.

My backup plan is to go out to a gun range, rent a pistol, and tap myself behind the ear, right though the brain stem. But that's messier, more expensive, and more traumatizing to family (and the poor workers who would have to clean up my insides.) So I'd like to avoid that if i can.

I've been planning this for months while trying to give life a real chance, but it's now time for me to go. i wanted to make sure this wasnt a spur of the moment decision, and I've even been in therapy weekly for more than a year, trying to improve and being as honest as i can without being committed. life just isnt worth the struggle, from a logical and emotional viewpoint. I'm glad to be leaving it behind, sad for the people I'll hurt. but I'm at peace with my decision. thanks again for anyone who reads this or replies.

 

[Hopeindeath!]

I'm sorry you feel life just isn't worth the struggle, and for all your suffering. I don't know the answers to your questions but, I'm here if you need someone to talk to.

 

[larkspurlazuli]

additional, slightly less important questions;

How important are notes for closure? I dont want anyone thinking they could have saved me, but in my heart, I know that even if I spelled it out in Sharpie on my forehead, people might still blame themselves.

Is it at all likely that family would honor last wishes in terms of handling my remains, funeral arrangements, etc? I would hate for them to spend tons of money on some awful casket and over the top funeral when I'd prefer cremation and a simple ceremony to help them grieve, let alone having to plan all of it out. Would it come off as helpful or condescending? I don't really care as much about what happens to my material things, I've tried to pack them away as much as possible and hopefully they can just donate what they dont want to keep. Is there anything else i can do to make things easier for them?

I'm sorry you feel life just isn't worth the struggle, and for all your suffering. I don't know the answers to your questions but, I'm here if you need someone to talk to.

thanks, stranger friend. it's okay. I've made a lot of stupid decisions on top of a shitty hand i was dealt in life, and it's about time for me to wrap things up.

 

[larkspurlazuli]

just gonna bump this, if no one replies I'll just go through with Plan A tonight and hope for the best. much love

 

[autumnal]

hey all, I've been a long time browser of this site but only recently made an account. i plan on ctb sometime this week and just need to tie up some loose ends. any help is greatly appreciated, i am really thankful for this site.

I bought some SN in December when Christmas packages were coming so it wouldn't seem weird for me to hide it in my room. I am unable to access stronger antiemitics so I just got Dramamine, which I know isnt ideal but is probably better than nothing. Does anyone know just how much it would help? do i need to follow a regimen?

I know a water solution of SN is recommended, but would it work if ingested in gelatin capsules? I have a LOT, and I feel like it would make it easier to not puke, especially without meto, but i don't want it to be ineffective or give me any complications. I also have a lot of Atarax (hydroxyzine hlc) for my anxiety, which is also an antihistamine and makes me very sleepy. i was thinking of taking a large dose and waiting until i start getting tired and relaxed to take the SN, but again, not sure if that's a good idea.

My plan as of right now is to take 150mg Atarax and 300mg Dramamine, wait about 90 minutes, and take ~30g of SN capsules. i just want to make sure i don't have to try again, I've been trying for 14+ years and I'd like it to stick.

My backup plan is to go out to a gun range, rent a pistol, and tap myself behind the ear, right though the brain stem. But that's messier, more expensive, and more traumatizing to family (and the poor workers who would have to clean up my insides.) So I'd like to avoid that if i can.

I've been planning this for months while trying to give life a real chance, but it's now time for me to go. i wanted to make sure this wasnt a spur of the moment decision, and I've even been in therapy weekly for more than a year, trying to improve and being as honest as i can without being committed. life just isnt worth the struggle, from a logical and emotional viewpoint. I'm glad to be leaving it behind, sad for the people I'll hurt. but I'm at peace with my decision. thanks again for anyone who reads this or replies.

Another thing you may not have considered is as well as trauma and mess for the gun range staff, it may also affect them in terms of potential liability or reputational damage. So yeah, not a good impact on that (probably small) business. Kind of like suicide in an Airbnb.

 

[larkspurlazuli]

Another thing you may not have considered is as well as trauma and mess for the gun range staff, it may also affect them in terms of potential liability or reputational damage. So yeah, not a good impact on that (probably small) business. Kind of like suicide in an Airbnb.

like i said, that's plan B and I'd rather not. although I don't have much respect for gun shops normally (i think it's way too accessible for people who want to hurt others), i realize that's a little hypocritical right now. but i might just go for it anyway, it's a much surer method than testing my SN capsules.

 

[Letmego. Please]

@larkspurlazuli

All of your questions have already been answered many times in multiple SN threads, if you do a search at the top you will find many, start with Stan's guide & go from there if you still have questions.
The reason most folks will not answer is because all the info you ask for is already here, you just have to make the effort for yourself, it is your life after all.

 

[larkspurlazuli]

@larkspurlazuli

All of your questions have already been answered many times in multiple SN threads, if you do a search at the top you will find many, start with Stan's guide & go from there if you still have questions.
The reason most folks will not answer is because all the info you ask for is already here, you just have to make the effort for yourself, it is your life after all.

I've been used to browsing this site without an account, there's been no search button. I doubt all the specifics will line up, but I'll give it a go.

 

[Letmego. Please]

Look at the very top of the page on the right & you will find the search box. Simples.

 

[larkspurlazuli]

Look at the very top of the page on the right & you will find the search box. Simples.

thanks for the help. no need to be condescending.

 

[Letmego. Please]

@larkspurlazuli

I am sorry if you felt anything I typed was condescending, it was not intended as such, I was simply passing on info that you asked for, with a little of my sense of humour, we are all different people so please don't judge a persons response to you, we are after all, all feeling shit or we wouldn't be here.