So here I am, I needed to get this off my chest before doing the inevitable.
I grew up very poor and feeling worthless, at the age of 19 I got my girlfriend of 17 pregnant. We got married. I stepped up and started working 12 hours a day, and after work study for about 3 hours. Started doing bodybuilding and soon found myself selling anabolic steroids to make extra cash to afford to move out of my parents house with my son and wife.
My son was 3 years old when my wife cheated on me with the pastor of the local church... We had a very bad custody battle but I won and got custody of my son. We lived with my mom and her husband at the time.
At the age of 25 I started a business with some investors, after 5 years things went sideways fast... Mostly my fault, I made some really stupid business decisions... But hindsight is 20/20. I started using the companies funds for personal use... Just to prove to people that I succeeded in life and make my son proud of his dad.
Being a diagnosed narcissistic sociopath I could easily manipulate people and lie just to keep my business going and keep getting funds. It all seemed to be so easy and I did not even feel a bit ashamed of myself, I felt great for manipulating all this "smart" rich business people. To be honest I even lied to myself cause I truly believed I could make the business work.
When everything went tits up, I decided to dissappear and let nobody know where I am. I made all necessary arrangements for my son to stay at my mom and she takes good care of him... Come to think of it, I lived with my grandparents from age 14.... Anyway now all my additional cash I had stashed away to try and make the money back for the investors is finished and I have nothing left, I lost all that too. I have been living with my mom for about 6 months again. I can't pretend anymore and I don't want to disappoint my son any further.
I basically BS myself to think I could make the money back I had lost. I have tried everything I know and even tried getting a job again.... But that didn't work out at all.
So I am going to give myself a week to plan everything, I am strangly at peace, just can't decide hanging or firearm (only problem is, the ammo is very old) and the firearm I plan on using is someone else's and it is not registered, so I am thinking he might get in trouble if I use it and his firearm license expired.
I grew up very poor and feeling worthless, at the age of 19 I got my girlfriend of 17 pregnant. We got married. I stepped up and started working 12 hours a day, and after work study for about 3 hours. Started doing bodybuilding and soon found myself selling anabolic steroids to make extra cash to afford to move out of my parents house with my son and wife.
My son was 3 years old when my wife cheated on me with the pastor of the local church... We had a very bad custody battle but I won and got custody of my son. We lived with my mom and her husband at the time.
At the age of 25 I started a business with some investors, after 5 years things went sideways fast... Mostly my fault, I made some really stupid business decisions... But hindsight is 20/20. I started using the companies funds for personal use... Just to prove to people that I succeeded in life and make my son proud of his dad.
Being a diagnosed narcissistic sociopath I could easily manipulate people and lie just to keep my business going and keep getting funds. It all seemed to be so easy and I did not even feel a bit ashamed of myself, I felt great for manipulating all this "smart" rich business people. To be honest I even lied to myself cause I truly believed I could make the business work.
When everything went tits up, I decided to dissappear and let nobody know where I am. I made all necessary arrangements for my son to stay at my mom and she takes good care of him... Come to think of it, I lived with my grandparents from age 14.... Anyway now all my additional cash I had stashed away to try and make the money back for the investors is finished and I have nothing left, I lost all that too. I have been living with my mom for about 6 months again. I can't pretend anymore and I don't want to disappoint my son any further.
I basically BS myself to think I could make the money back I had lost. I have tried everything I know and even tried getting a job again.... But that didn't work out at all.
So I am going to give myself a week to plan everything, I am strangly at peace, just can't decide hanging or firearm (only problem is, the ammo is very old) and the firearm I plan on using is someone else's and it is not registered, so I am thinking he might get in trouble if I use it and his firearm license expired.
