Socially handling suicidality

[Floraknife]

I finally figured out how to post!

I was wondering if anyone else has people around them who are worried about them being suicidal/depressed and are treating them differently for it, in my case it's very strange and isolating.

Like, I finally left my room to go make some food upstairs, and from the couch my roommate and his girl (who I've had long conversations with before) both called me by name, and asked how I'm doing very softly (awkwardly, unlike them), before even mentioning the New Year. It just felt strange. Like, hey, I'm fantasizing about stabbing this knife on the counter into my temple, thanks for asking? Is it that noticeable?

Maybe I'm just being paranoid, but they were laughing together before I went up, and it just strikes me as odd and uncomfortable rather than nice. Like they feel the need to tiptoe around me, and I can't stand that. Does anyone have any advice on how to handle this? Fake it til you make it to ctb? I have no social skills from being completely isolated the past couple of months + partially long before now, almost the whole year.

 

[TAW122]

I had the same fears and personally, I just never bring up the topic since I know most people, especially the people around me are staunchly pro-life and religious. Therefore, any discussion or signs of suicidality is too risky. At best, they'll treat me differently, with suspicious and condescending attitudes while at worst they could report me to the authorities to have me committed against my will. I also make sure not to exhibit signs of suicidality because I cannot afford to lose my method nor do I want others to pry or get involved in my day to day life.

I would say that given that ctb is a road usually taken alone, then it is better to hide it until you are ready to check out. I am just biding my time until something pushes me over the edge and then I'll ctb.

 

[15dec]

I finally figured out how to post!

I was wondering if anyone else has people around them who are worried about them being suicidal/depressed and are treating them differently for it, in my case it's very strange and isolating.

Like, I finally left my room to go make some food upstairs, and from the couch my roommate and his girl (who I've had long conversations with before) both called me by name, and asked how I'm doing very softly (awkwardly, unlike them), before even mentioning the New Year. It just felt strange. Like, hey, I'm fantasizing about stabbing this knife on the counter into my temple, thanks for asking? Is it that noticeable?

Maybe I'm just being paranoid, but they were laughing together before I went up, and it just strikes me as odd and uncomfortable rather than nice. Like they feel the need to tiptoe around me, and I can't stand that. Does anyone have any advice on how to handle this? Fake it til you make it to ctb? I have no social skills from being completely isolated the past couple of months + partially long before now, almost the whole year.

Yeah, ever since my parents found out they're always asking me if I'm okay. Not in the normal, casual way you'd ask someone if they're doing alright, there's this tone to their voices so I can tell they're asking if I'm feeling the urge to ctb. Sometimes they ask several times a day, sometimes I'll get a barrage of "are you alright, you'll say if you're not won't you, you'll talk to me if anything is wrong" in the first ten minutes after I wake up or come home. I know they mean well but it gets annoying quickly.

I feel like people tiptoe around me as well. Apparently the reason people lie to me/hide the truth from me is because they think I'll be upset if I know the truth. Or maybe they think I'll get angry, or something. It's frustrating, I know, but your roommate and his girlfriend are probably acting that way because they don't fully understand how you're feeling or aren't sure how to approach the subject and check in with you without upsetting you. My best guess is that they're concerned but they don't want to risk doing anything that could offend you or make you feel worse. I understand where they're coming from if that's how they feel, though obviously it isn't a nice experience for you. You could ask them about it but I'd find it awkward doing that myself. Faking it is my plan at the moment but when I've tried before it's drained what little energy I've got left and I've felt a lot worse after, though it's certainly possible to do for several months. And who knows, if we're lucky we might end up faking it till we make it.

 

[JustAboutDone]

I'm totally with you here. I know I should be grateful I have people that 'care' but I'm trying to avoid them and it feels like they are constantly there being cheerful and wanting to do things and I just feel like screaming. Some particular friends have clearly been looking up "how to deal with suicidal people" and they keep going on about it and I just want them to leave me alone. I'm so grateful for this site where people don't preach at me to "count my blessings" and other such carp.

 

[OkTotti]

I don't think anyone thinks I'm suicidal but i think people know that I'm down and not myself. It's difficult to put on a mask and pretend that you're OK but there is so much sadness. i don't know how much longer i can keep it up, i'm afraid I'll have a meltdown and break down and cry that I want to CTB

 

[Kdawg2018]

I finally figured out how to post!

I was wondering if anyone else has people around them who are worried about them being suicidal/depressed and are treating them differently for it, in my case it's very strange and isolating.

Like, I finally left my room to go make some food upstairs, and from the couch my roommate and his girl (who I've had long conversations with before) both called me by name, and asked how I'm doing very softly (awkwardly, unlike them), before even mentioning the New Year. It just felt strange. Like, hey, I'm fantasizing about stabbing this knife on the counter into my temple, thanks for asking? Is it that noticeable?

Maybe I'm just being paranoid, but they were laughing together before I went up, and it just strikes me as odd and uncomfortable rather than nice. Like they feel the need to tiptoe around me, and I can't stand that. Does anyone have any advice on how to handle this? Fake it til you make it to ctb? I have no social skills from being completely isolated the past couple of months + partially long before now, almost the whole year.

Yes, ppl going to act weird after you tell them CTB thoughts. Plus, your roomies don't want to be the ones to find your body, so they might be scared too. I would act normal unless you want to get locked up. Unless you think getting locked up will help you, refer to psych ward thread for more details. Pro-tip, don't wear the scary onesie around the house! hugs

 

[Boxoftools]

I would act normal unless you want to get locked up.

fake it till you make it!

 

[Lunaemoth]

I've been suicidal since I was about 11. I've attempted many times, some of which were never discovered. I've been in psych three times, the longest stay being three weeks (after one week in the ICU) after my most successful attempt when I was 19 (otc od, was found too early and was in a coma for three days).

I've been essentially faking happiness for 15 years. It never gets easier, but you get better at it, and it's the only thing that got me out of psych because I've never stopped wanting to die. You have to fake it, or you'll be watched constantly...and yes, people treat me very differently, esp my family. They treat me like I'm useless and weak, which to be fair they're not wrong. My stepmother mockingly calls me a 'delicate flower', which makes me want to scream.

I've also self harmed for the past 5 years. My mother knows, but luckily doesn't try to stop me and never mentions it (I still live at home). Idk who else in my family she's told, but I assume everyone, to be safe. I don't think anyone thinks I'm actively suicidal anymore, since it's been three years since the last attempt they know about. That and acting as cheerful as I can stomach will help me when I CTB in 4 days.

 

[onewayroad]

Yeah, I have the same problem. Luckily I have pretty weird friends who joke about it more than anything else.

But my family treats me differently, and worse than that sometimes total strangers ask me if I'm ok. I think it's nice that I live in a country where total strangers care about each other, but I hate that I don't look ok.

Sometimes I can feel my mind slipping, I can feel myself losing my mind, and I really don't want anyone else to see that. It's awful.

 

[JazzyWolfWhistle]

Don't be ashamed of your mental illness.

 

[onewayroad]

Don't be ashamed of your mental illness.

Thanks, I guess I'm not exactly ashamed, I just know the feeling people get when they see a crazy person. Some kind of awful pity. And I really don't want that.

 

[ugly_loser2008]

waht surpised me the most was how open and receptive to my suicide my buddies ahve been. i thought maybe that they would try to talk me out of it but wasn't the case. one actualy told me hed be willin to help me with cash to get what i need to do myself in. the only reason i told them was cuz i was buzzed and was feeling really suicidal and down on myself. i thought i really fucked up one of them said i looked like shit and at that i just let it out - stupid i know.

 

[Taylor]

I'm fairly certain my whole family knows I'm going to kill myself, haha. They know how much pain I'm in and obviously sitting in my childhood bedroom for the last two years, avoiding all social contact and life in general at the age of 25 is not normal, and a huge sign. I can tell my family is worried, but at the same time I can tell that they know and realize that I'm an adult and it's my life, and they can't stop me. If anything it's like they just want the best for me and to be happy, no matter what I choose to do.